And good for you for looking at a house...I love the neighborhood where we live right now (and have for almost 20 years). Leaving it at some point in the relatively near future leaves me feeling pretty sad sometimes. It would be great to be able to stay in the area, and still have the chance to start off fresh in your own place. (I have a feeling that H is trying to figure out a way to get me out of our house, and move OW and her boys in...doesn't get the idea that our boys would likely find that very discomforting...)
So I said "Then there will be no sex". Looking back that was kind of controlling, but its the truth. H would laugh in my face if I offered up MC or Retro. He is so done with me. [quote]
LWB,
I don't think that this is controlling I think it is a boundry that needed to be set for YOU. If it is indeed just sex to him then why should you be his whore.
I also feel that if he was truly done he would be the one seeking divorce. I would personally go semi dark act as if he is gone, If he tries to argue with you remove yourself from his path of destruction. DO things for YOU and DD'S
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I also feel that if he was truly done he would be the one seeking divorce. I would personally go semi dark act as if he is gone, If he tries to argue with you remove yourself from his path of destruction. DO things for YOU and DD'S
I think LWB has been doing this for quite awhile. It doesn't work for everyone...it didn't work for me either. LWB's H doesn't want to follow through with the D but he doesn't want to fix the marriage....my H was the same way. I think there comes a point when you have to say enough is enough....I did my best...and that's all I can do. My guess is that he will continue to live like this as long as LWB will let him. I think it has been mentioned before that filing could be a last-last resort. That might shock her H back into reality.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
D6 finished school yesterday and I surprised her by picking her up. My baby is a 1st grader. Saw OW for hopefully the last time before school starts up in the fall. Thanks to her I have to join a different pool. Well, I don't *have* to, but I don't want our girls playing together (because I would have to be close to OW), so I am making that choice. No need to fill my summer with skank. Sorry.
D3 has one more 'fun' day on Tuesday, then we're done. I took 4 days off work (sob, 2 are already gone!) and we have been outside most of the time. Perfect weather, wandering the street, taking walks, riding bikes, eating popsicles. I have really truly relaxed this weekend. I am in love with my girls.
H played me a bit with something financial. Not worth getting into, but I set some boundaries before agreeing to help him. He squirmed, but is honoring them. He looked broken tonight, on the verge of tears. Or maybe anger. Who knows....
You sound to be finding some peace amidst the storms. Finding a measure of serenity, however small, is so vital. You have detached enough that very little that H can do now will totally destabilize you. Remember when the least little thing they did would knock us to the ground?
I truly admire how you maintain your boundaries and effectively communicate those to your spouse. Keep devoting yourself to you and your girls.
I have found that by focusing on God first, from the moment I get up in the morning to the minute I fall asleep at night, has given me a solid sense of serenity. I remind myself constantly that I am a disciple of Christ, a flawed mortal sinner who needs to continue to put Him first and foremost. And guess what? He in turn reminds me of all my other priorities -- My children, my family, my friends and myself. That is what He wants of us, and when we do then everything just falls into place.
That's not to say that every once in a while my W will throw me a serious curve, but now I feel like I have been prepared spiritually for Judo -- I try to use the energy of her offense and redirect it back at her.
I gather you are not only in a similar place, but that you have exceeded well beyond. I have complete faith that you will not only survive but thrive despite this ordeal.
love it, I couldn't stand to see my W's OM, I told her if I every see him, I would go nuts.
Taking kids up to pool today, hope it doesn't rain
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ?? let me hope !!! W moving out June 1st - 10 days - already signed lease
Gypsy and Jeff, thank you for visiting me. Gypsy thanks for the hug, and Jeff have fun at the pool!! I don't know where you are in StL, but there are a ton of nice pools around. We are joining the Lodge in Des Peres this summer.
nocode, Oh how I remember how much just a mean look from H could reduce me to tears for a day or longer. Detachment is sort of an armor for our heart, huh? Church filled me with peace and confidence this morning, something I try to keep with me at all times.
