I don't know much about your wife's side of things. What was her turning point in realizing her part of the mistakes? How did she eventually open up enough to see the whole, big picture? Was there an event that occurred? Has she read your thread here?
Taking these in reverse order:
"Has she read your thread here?"
My wife does occasionally lurk on these boards, but I don't know if she's seen this particular thread.
"How did she eventually open up enough to see the whole, big picture?"
By myself taking the first steps toward repairing our marriage, after I had read enough to have some ideas as to what to do. Within just a couple of months, I could see the positive changes I had made bearing fruit and leading her to look for changes that she could make in return. From there, we began moving forward together: faltering and regressing as we went, but steadily moving forward.
"What was her turning point in realizing her part of the mistakes?"
After plowing through a few relationship self-help books last fall, I finally found The Sex-Starved Marriage in November, which really spoke to how I had been feeling for a very long time, but had not been able to explain well enough to her. I emailed the link to Chapter 1 to my wife from work that day, and held my breath. When I got home that evening, she met me in tears. She finally "got it." To me, this was the real turning point for her.
We've had a few more mile-stones along the way since then, with my latest one being the impetus for this thread. I hope they keep coming.
Take care,
Bagheera
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
