having a hard time with the habits that i have formed...some would call them stalking..i call them informorative! =) just still feel the need to know.
Me, too. It doesn't even really hurt anymore to find out stuff. I'm pretty numb to it by now, but it does make me feel stronger to stay "informed."
But maybe it's part of what keeps me "spinning" sometimes, too?
I think it's a bit of an addiction. <sigh>
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
Well the papers came and are here. In the state of North Carolina I can sit on them for 30 days - but they will take affect whether or not I want them to.
Had ideas- like signing them and taking them to him (it says you can do that) or calling and saying --- I will bring your papers just tell ow to leave. (tomorrow is her bday and making her leave would make me happy -- but then she would get what she wanted...which she is getting anyway.)
I truthfully don't think he cares. Doesn't even phase him I know him -watched him sign countless papers over the years - he never read them why woudl he have read this...that HE wanted a divorce. Well he got what he wanted.
I realized tonight (before getting the papers) something DUMB because I knew it and know it. My H (or should I now call him xh) is the most STUBBORN man I have ever known and has NEVER done ANYTHIGN that he didn't want to do. NEVER. And this is no different. He says he is sad etc etc. BUT this IS WHAT HE WANTS.
I wont sign the papers tomorrow - I dont think I will sign them until June. (i know it is stupid BUT I DONT want it to be around HER birthday at all!!) I wish I could sign them on my anniversary (June 19) but it will be too late the papers will alreayd have done their thing....
So I am now among the Divorced. Sad- scared - feel wierd and empty. Dont know what else to feel or think.
Reading the boards I know that people will think I failed. I didn't do this right or that right. S** I dont know what I COULD HAVE DONE right. He left - he left me. I stayed, worked on me and took care of the family he broke apart.
I am sad....
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
You cannot win at this game until they come out of the tunnel.
Failure is not a part of this picture.
It is a feeling you are having that is false and untrue.
You have come so far and you are doing a fabulous job.
Wait till the last minute to sign the papers, don't make anything easy.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I hear you. You are hurting Cagz. I remember so much being in the spot you are in. I promise it will get better.
Hugs
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I am so sorry Cagzmom, nothing anyone can say that will ease your pain and emptiness right now. Grieve your marriage, rant and rave at the heavens, take yourself off to bed with a bottle of wine do what ever you need to do to release the pain, THEN slowly you will get better.Each day it will hurt less THEN one day you will see the sun is shining, you are smiling, you do not have that huge hole in your heart and you are looking forward to something. Trust me I know. For the record, I signed papers on April the first. The irony would have been lost on my x but it gave me a small measure of satisfaction.
Cagz, I am so sorry you are hurting. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
I realized today that what I was scared of is no more personal excuses....with the D well it means I have no other options than to really really move on.
Doesn't mean I am done - however I am done with the games. This is for me - for my life - do i love him? Hmm the man I loved is gone -- and the man he is is doing exactly what he wanted....BAILED on his family and on me.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
