A Very Rough Year - Breast Cancer & MLC

[Jack_Three_Beans]

1hope,

You got through cancer you can get through this.
DBing is real self help, and if you improve yourself you make yourself look better and more attractive to your spouse, all the while avoiding all the pit falls and traps (if done correctly) that push people away.

R talks push them away.
Looking sad pushes them away because you look sad because you miss them...get it?
Saying I love you, reminds them that they don't love you, so stop saying it.
Don't give them ultimatums, they will choose the easier choice.
Don't beg or plead they will not care, feel guilty and stay away.

All of DBing are techniques designed to make you a better person first and foremost, and possibly keep them interested in you.

Ultimately, you will really need to figure out what your boundaries are, what happens if he crosses them. Can you forgive him? If not, then there isn't much of a point to this.

As hard as all of this is, getting back together is tougher, because all the tricks and techniques you learn, to protect yourself...you have to get rid of.

You're at the begining, this is a long ride, it sucks. It will make you seem weak and needy to your friends and family, who only want to see you happy, and waiting or 'standing' for your husband, isn't going to make you happy. Let them know you NEED their support, and if they are unwilling to help you when you are at your weakest, then you don't want them talking to you about your marriage.

You can Celebrate life, without him, in fact you are going to have to for awhile. Those images in his mind will be replaced over time, hopefully with images of you enjoying life, not of you pining away because he is in MLC.

Become a person he needs to worthy of, not the person who is worthy of him, if he is in MLC...he isn't worthy of much except pity and patience. He needs to become worthy of you, and if your marriage is important to you, you need to be patient.