Twin, I think you're right. But how do I erase the image in his mind? Will only time and patience do it?
I am working on me. I went back to work full time 2/08. My energy is back (for the most part) and I have lost weight. Chemo does not always make you sickly thin, I gained 30 lbs. I am back to pre-C weight. My hair has started to grow back nicely and everyone loves the new, short style. I have had long blonde hair since forever, but now have a short blonde "Sharon Stone" style. I have had complete strangers come up to me and say how cute my hair is. The only thing that H will say is that "it is such a change".
One of the things that my H initially said when things began to come apart was that my cancer had "done something to him".
When they prepared us for chemo, they said that for 72 hours after infusion we would need to use a condom if we had sex, and that I would need to flush the toilet 2x after I used it - to keep the escaping chemicals from contaminating someone else, or pitting the porcelin. (Yes, I know, TMI. They just about kill you with the cure!) Anway, we never had to open the condom box, and because I didn't feel good, I never pressed it. H has never much liked it when I initiate things anyway. So, now that I think about it, I can see that what you are saying is probably true. We have resumed being intimate, but I guess I would agree that he really has been effected. He one time said that I should not press him, but let him come to me. That he would, eventually. Every once in a while he does, but sometimes the man that comes thru the door at night is a very mean, disrespectful, verbally abusive Alien....
I am healthy, I am alive, and I WANT TO CELEBRATE LIFE! I really long to celebrate with him.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.