The Bumpy Road to Recovery

[Bagheera]

Unfortunately, SSM -- and most of the other books for the "clashing libidos" couples -- put forth that success can be achieved with just ONE spouse starting the process.

I agree with the above wholeheartedly. The operative word in "success can be achieved with just ONE spouse starting the process." is STARTING: not finishing, not even getting to the half-way point. In the beginning, at least one of the two people stuck in intransigent mode has to be willing to put down their gun, pick up an olive branch, and make the first moves toward fixing things.

"Change yourself -- GAL, act "as if", etc. -- and your partner will eventually HAVE to change in response."

There are no guarantees, and even The SSM book contains a section in Part III (for the HD partner) on Accepting the fact that despite your best efforts, things may never be what you want them to be. I hated that little section, because last November I was afraid my wife would read it, slam the book shut, and hand it back to me saying "See, you just have to accept things just as they are." Thankfully, that isn't what happened.

What are your choices, Puppy?

(1) Accept the status quo,
(2) get a divorce and try to start over with someone new, or
(3) make some positive changes in yourself and how you treat your spouse, and hope that they begin to return the favor.

I still think (3) is the best option, even without a guarantee.

-- B.