You are describing that awkward verbal dance so eloquently, especially your wife's part of it, that you are really showing us that you can and will succeed at this.
I don't know much about your wife's side of things. What was her turning point in realizing her part of the mistakes? How did she eventually open up enough to see the whole, big picture? Was there an event that occured? Has she read your thread here?
and PDT - you are correct, your partner will not HAVE to change in response to changes you do for yourself. I don't know your situation and haven't read your thread. But I think the point is that you do those changes for yourself and not in order to spark them to change. I'm sure others have said that to you before and I am just repeating. Sorry if it sounds kinda lame after hearing it so many times.
I do understand how frustrating all of this is! When I was going through it I was literally having suicidal thoughts at different times because of it! I know that simple words may make it sound easier than it is. But "easy" is not the goal of any good endeavor. Wish I had realized that during my marriage!
