You got someone to blame / You say ...

[LolaL]

I can certainly understand that. Sometimes you just get tired.

[Virtually_Handsome]

If he still want the dissolution, and has just stopped mentioning it to avoid conflict, doesn't that kind of play right into his hands?

I guess I am just thinking that before you say that, you have to be ready for the consequences. But, you know that!

[LolaL]

That is a good point. After the proposition to my H this week, I have learned to really think before you do anything. He STILL hasn't spoken to me. I wasn't prepared for that.

[MichelleLT]

The last two times he's brought it up, he's said he doesn't want the D anymore.

Of course, OW being back in the picture has obviously clouded his emotions, or at least what is passing for a brain in the lower region of his body.

It's not intended to be an ultimatum. It would have to be said very carefully. But he needs to be disabused of the notion that he can take 5 years to decide and I'll still be sitting here with open arms. Because that isn't going to happen.

[Virtually_Handsome]

That makes sense, Michelle. There is a time limit, even if you don't know what it is.

[LolaL]

I have to agree with that one. You will know when the time is right. And frankly, maybe that is what he needs, to see that you are not waiting for him, that you are moving on with your life. Maybe that will snap him back to reality.

[AliSuddenly]

Michelle, I'm with Jeff, tread carefully, unless yuo really have had enough.. when you say I'm not going to sit around and be your loving, faithful wife forever while you run around drinking and having a bunch of affairs...he hasnt asked you to do that.. its been your choice to wait lovingly and faithfully, so its not like you can threaten him with not doing it anymore? Although, it would be interesting to see how he reacted if you did go get yourself another guy. I bet he would go nuts !

I still think you should not contact him AT ALL and let him sit with his recent decision to get back in touch with the annoying hassley one, and let him realise that he's missing you?

Ali xxx

[klm]

It's not intended to be an ultimatum.

Just a question. If it wouldn't be an ultimatum, then what if he said he wanted to continue to do what he is doing, and didn't want you to sit around waiting for him?

I think when you get to the point that you want to say that to him,....then maybe it should be an ultimatum. Then you would have to be prepared to follow through...otherwise you wouldn't be taken seriously.

I think you will know when you are done.

[MichelleLT]

It's gonna be a fine line. I want him to have a bit of pressure and worry, but not back myself into a corner. I don't want it to be so much pressure that he goes fine, let's get D. I won't ask for a decision/answer then. Plus, I don't want to set myself on the path to filing for D (or backing down and not, and then just coming off as making empty threats).

I'm struggling with what to say though. I think pointing out that I am not going to wait forever is good, albeit vague. I think some good "I" comments about my feelings if there seems to be an opening - maybe "I am frustrated with the current situation". I dunno what else. Too much of my feelings can be considered blame - I am hurt that you are pretending to be single. I am hurt that you don't seem to care about living in this limbo. I am lonely. I am frustrated.

I want to have the conversation in person, he's soooooooo hard to talk to on IM or the phone. But after our conversation last week, he doesn't seem to want to see me any time soon. I am hoping that the tax money will come and he will need to give me a check. That would be an excuse to meet up really quick.

And at the moment, I'm considering filing for legal separation and not D. He's having enough financial issues that even though our accounts and cards are split up, I'm worried that I might end up being liable for some of his debt. It's not likely, but it is possible. And I really can't afford that on top of my student loans.

[MichelleLT]

It's not intended to be an ultimatum.

Just a question. If it wouldn't be an ultimatum, then what if he said he wanted to continue to do what he is doing, and didn't want you to sit around waiting for him?

I think my response would be, we're M, I'm not going to date becasuse I've never cheated on anyone, and I'm not about to start now. If you don't want to be M, then do something about it!