Help Me Act AS IF, Part 5

[newnamenewlife]

Thanks, Grace--I guess you are right. I am pasting this, which I posted recently on the do a 180 board, but haven't gotten a response yet. It applies to your above post in a way, I think:

At what point do 180s become more of the same? I did a lot of them shortly after the bomb--no more ILYs, no more suggestions that we go out on dates, no more calls or emails unless necessary, no more tears (have backslid a bit there at times), GALing a lot, giving H tons of space, acting as if, no R talk.

But now, after months of doing all that, those feel like more of the same, know what I mean? H is more determined to leave than ever. I guess it has been helpful for me to detach as much as I have (still a long way to go) but I'm confused now about what qualifies as a 180.

I know we are supposed to do DB for ourselves, but there's a bit of a mixed message I think because we are also told to experiment and monitor results, which seems to be more spouse-focused. If I look at it that way, I'd say my 180s haven't worked at all.