Summary: M 16.5 S 14, D 16 (live with mom); SS 25 (lives with me)
11/05 - X files D 7/06 - X moved out with kids (I offered X the house but she declined so I bought her out. Immediately OM is in the picture continuously at her new place) 10/17/06 - D final 5/07 - X Marries OM 11/07 - Arrange face to face with Mr. X to forgive him.
The marriage was rocky for over 10 years. X had an affair with a different OM around 98/99. We separated for 6 months from 6/99 to 12/99 (I moved because of her hysterics and volatility) but got back together. After X moved this time, I attempted to "stand" for the marriage but since coming back to the board in 8/06, I slowly moved from vigorously standing, to remaining open to reconciliation to deciding that I would not reconcile. X getting married closed the door on reconciliation for good.
X and I have been Christians since before we started dating, X has asserted that God has given her permission to D and has paved her way to be with OM who is not a Christian (uh, yeah, that sounds like a message straight from the throne of God).
My title comes from the Bible verse:
Quote:
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
I own my part in the demise of marriage but I believe my X had no grounds for marriage according to our professed faith and the teachings we held from the Bible. Yet, I still maintain that God will use this situation to work for His greater good.
Getting A Life The transition from being devastated at the realization that OM was not "Just a friend," to "Standing for the marriage" to "Getting A Life" and finally deciding I would not take X back has been an extremely challenging journey but God has provided the people, resources total support that I have needed including the people in this forum. My life has become increasingly full, an amazing adventure with blessing after blessing after blessing.
Mahalo (thank you)! A huge "thank you" goes out to Michele for making this forum available for us DBers who tried and yet still wound up in this forum. An equally huge "thank you" goes out to the people in this forum who lend an ear, offer sage advice or a shoulder (or thread) to cry on. There have been plenty of very challenging times I have had to go through to this point and this forum and the people in it have helped immeasurably in bringing healing.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
We got in late Sunday evening and Monday was a jam packed day of errands. So many amazing things happened and I will try to share tomorrow night.
One amazing thing that did NOT happen was that I realized the Church Friend is not the woman for me. We are and will be friends but she is not for me. Previously, she was the one that said she thought we should "remain friends" and so that was cool with me. But later, as we prepared for this trip, I wondered if by serving together, either or both of us would start to see the other as a "mate." This time, it did not happen from my end and I am VERY much at peace with it.
I start a new job in about 7 hours and I won't be able to post during the day for a while but I know this job was given to me by God in His perfect timing. This is another story in and of itself.
So, more to come later including C2H on stage, the rain, lessons, the power of prayer, the "kids" etc.
Mahalo (thank you)
I could literally write a mega post that would not end, detailing All the things that happened on this trip, all the things that show me just how awesome is the God I serve. I dropped from exhaustion this evening after playing several hours of basketball and awoke to a message playing on the radio about some of the directives God gives us:
Quote:
Pray, Wait, Be still and know that I am God, Trust, Get up and Go!
I have experienced God showing/telling me all of these things on this past trip as well as during the period after my X left me through the present.
Truly, my life verse from the Bible has been true in my life:
Quote:
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
On 5/19, the day of X and Mr. X's first wedding anniversary, I had just arrived from a Hawaiian missions trip and was prepping to start a new job God hand delivered to me. X is going away this weekend to celebrate and I am going to have my kids and have my own celebration. I realized it was their anniversary but the thought pricked me a little but then I moved on, too busy living my life to dwell on it.
Oh, by the way, while I was on this trip, I believe God began opening the door for me to go on another missions trip in 6 months to...Spain! I will have almost enough vacation time but a number of other things will have to fall into place (we shall see if God is sending me there).
The Job Of all the praise worthy things that happened in connection with the Hawaiian trip, one of the most amazing ones was that God hand delivered me a job. I have been working from home by choice since X left but have not made anywhere enough to support myself. I have used other resources, including retirement funds to be available to my kids, to be the "team dad," the school field trip taxi, to go to Washington D.C., deliver my son lunches including pizz he could share and to go to every one of my kids games that I could. (Of course, my X would periodically remind me that I was a "neglectful, selfish father." )
Well, the funds were rapidly drying up and I was hesitant to leave my life style to take a traditional job greatly limiting the access I had to my kids. Additional challenges I faced were the (traditional) employment gap (in the eyes of many employers) I would have to explain plus I am no longer a spring chicken in a VERY challenging job market. (I strongyly anticipated having to take a pay cut).
So, what does God do? He has an associate from the last industry I worked in give me a call, our second conversation in two years, to ask me if I might be interested in an opportunity he had. He wanted me to interview the next day but I had wedding reception preparation commitments. I interviewed the following Monday 5/5, prayed and fasted about the opportunity, agreed to a second panel interview 5/8. Later that day, while watching my son play soccer, I got a call confirming the job offer. On 5/9 I left to Hawaii and on 5/20 I started my new job.
I will be making more than I made on my last job, am working for a small company with very little turnover with a team that works very well together. I report to a man I have known and respected for about 7 years and who has reiterated that the environment is flexible which I know will come in handy down the road.
Could I have picked a better title for my threads than Romans 8:28? Indeed, All Things (during this divorce process) have worked together for (God's) good for those (me) who love God, to those (me) who are called according to His purpose.
I need to go now, I have to get some more sleep for I have to go to my second day of work on my new job. Thank you, Lord!
(The Hawaiian details will have to come later INCLUDING info on my breakfast with the newlweds the morning of my trip!)
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
HOOORAY!!!! for so many things!!! congrats for the job toots how wonderful!! God does promise to open the gates of heaven with blessings (he's doing that in my life now too )
You sound great, so nice to her you in such great spirits, sounds like it went really well, looking forward to your trip stories...
and... a Mai Tai please
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
C2H, it makes my heart glad to see God's work in opening this new door for you. I would say congratulations, but I suspect your response would be that all the glory belongs to Him! You combine an obviously strong faith in the Lord with a beautifully positive and patient attitude that is befitting of someone who has heard the joyful tidings. I have quoted Romans 8:28 more than once recently, thanks to having been reminded of it by your posts. I am also very fond of Jeremiah 42:10; I find the KJ translation somewhat lacking compared to the Hebrew, but the promise that God will build us up and secure us is particularly meaningful to me right now.
Thank you for working so hard to set an example worthy of following. I am taking notes!
1. You been through a lot Bro. I know I have seen you round the boards and we have cross-posted a bit. Had no idea bigger picture of your story. Will read some back-posts and learn more and reflect some thought back to you.
2. Scary similarities. We to are/(were?) "Christians". I was baffled by XW behaviour with OM. Particularly since XW is involved in "Ministry". Long, complicated, confusing story. Getting tired of the word, "Ministry" anyway. Meaning is diluted from my standpoint but whatever.
3. Um... ya.... I had a third point but. Hmmm. Lost it. Well... when in doubt of point 3, refer to points 1 and 2.
Glad to run into your thread. Will read up and post back.
cat, Yes, we can rejoice together for the the things He is doing! So glad to hear you are experiencin blessings as well, so glad!!
Fig, thank you for the congrats! As deliberate mentioned, God gets the glory! I simply took the call from a friend and prayed about the decision but it is good to rejoice at another's blessings.
SG, what a difference a couple years makes, huh?
Karen so many blessings! Need to get them down on my post.
Deliberate, indeed, to Him be the glory!
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but the promise that God will build us up and secure us is particularly meaningful to me right now.
My journey after the separation is chronicled to show how the Lord has been working and so I hope you will rely on what you KNOW to be truth rather than "hoping" it will be ok. Bless you and hang off C2H more laterl
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
I was half asleep when I posted and did not see your post when I submitted my post. Happy to read point one and two and will remember point three for the future...
About ministry, God sees the heart and the motives, that just about covers it all.
Happy to see you rose from the ashes and are now loving your new married life, I know it encourages me and others.
God's promise to provide for my needs have held true, His desire to meet the desires of my heart have also been demonstrated time after time after time. Sure there is still pain but even before the divorce, there was pain. I sense you have seen this in your life as well.
By the way, I just met one of the most awesome brothers ever during my Hawaii trip whose name happens to be Chazz. looking forward to getting to know you better as well.
church and indigestion- God's plan Mid week service was Awesome!!!!! I missed my home church and felt home again last night. Saw many who were praying for our team, lots of hugs and sharing about our trip. We had AWESOME worship, prayer for the sick, communion and more, a total blessing.
Hadn't had dinner so I went with my closest brother to a place we hadn't been in a long time and almost went to two other places because others were going elsewhere. We decided to just stay with plan A and spoke in great detail about prayer and the battles in the spiritual realm. As we left we encountered one of the workers we had known a bit as he walked back through the parking lot to the burger joint. I was prompted to ask how he was and we learned that he had just informed his drug using wife he was leaving her after 10 years. God arranged this appointment to counsel, pray and encourage him. (He hadn't seen us in a while and I shared that we almost went to two other places that night. If he had arrived 5 minutes earlier or later we would have missed him or likely just said "hi" as he walked behind the counter)
Such a conversation would likely not take place when he is behind the counter because this joint hustles like I have never seen, no one stands still for a second but, in God's perfect timing there we were to aid this young man. I pray for him, his wife and his kids, that a miracle will occurr.
I will make it a point to help in any way I can, especially prayer. It won't be hard to remember him, his name is the same as Mr. X's, something we laughed about when we spoke last night as he said, "no, I guess you won't forget my name now." No, I won't, nor will I forget to have God work through me in any way He desires.
Spain!!!!! The door for me to go to Spain in 11/21-12/3 seems to be opening a bit more. Last night the pastor heading up the trip gave me the application confirming that my limited Spanish will not be a barrier to participating. (I will accelerate my proficiency between now and then, something I have wanted to do for the last two years). Yesterday I found out that my work committments at that time of the year are less stringent than I originally thought and it seems conceivable that I could request that time off.
Oh, by the way, have I said how much I love my life?
Off to work!
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
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and to go to every one of my kids games that I could. (Of course, my X would periodically remind me that I was a "neglectful, selfish father." 
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