Hi na- Was it an issue before pre-bomb? I seem to remember you mentioning something about it during your separation. Have you tried to discuss it either while the two of you are alone or during MC? Would your H somehow take offense to the book?...you know men and their fragile egos!!!...especially one that has just had a crisis.
While you are ordering the french maid outfit, maybe you could get the sexy cop outfit w/handcuffs too. Hmmm...maybe you should just start with something from Victoria's Secret...to get his imagination working.
Yes, always, according to him. I guess I need to clarify that he has always been the one who wanted more. But he stopped mentioning it for a long time, until after the bomb, when it became the main reason he was giving up on us.
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Have you tried to discuss it either while the two of you are alone or during MC?
We haven't discussed it in great detail, only saying that it was something we want to work on. But we're obviously not working on it yet. So, that's why I thought of the book. I bought it and read it last spring, a few weeks after the bomb, but it wasn't very relevant at that point. I started re-reading it last night.
hey, was reading a previous comment about you'd like H to just say "rather not do it, please hire someone" paraphrased.
why not ask him directly. "hey hun, I would love for you to paint that wall, would you be able to do that this month, or would you rather me hire someone to do it?" If he says he'll do it, then you wait a month, if it's not done, have someone come out. ???
just a thought.
and ya, I think guys will be more helpful when they've got a sex-crazed W in the house. most guys anyways. Just remember to appreciate the job they do, and not "fix" anything or point out anything that isn't the way WE do things. that's something I'm still learning.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
why not ask him directly. "hey hun, I would love for you to paint that wall, would you be able to do that this month, or would you rather me hire someone to do it?" If he says he'll do it, then you wait a month, if it's not done, have someone come out. ???
Hi ST- Yes, that's what I've been thinking of trying. He has a tendency to say he's going to do something (and I think he really wants to do it and means it), but then weeks or months go by, and he hasn't started.
I've been sick and then went away for the weekend with a friend (planned for a couple of months). H seems to be a little distant with me. I'm trying not to read into anything- he hasn't been feeling well either. I'm just having a hard time shifting from DBing when he was gone to piecing when he's back.
ya, it is as difficult to piece as it is to DB. possibly even harder because during DBing, your so focused and in crisis mode, and piecing, there are more variables and you are in a more vulnerable state, giving yourself out there again.
Just remember not to take things personally, because most likely we are not seeing the whole picture and therefore thinking it is more about us when it really isn't. It's usually about them and something only they can fix.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
H and I had a brief R talk last night. I felt like he was avoiding me. He said he's not- just lots going on, being sick, etc. Then I asked him to read the SSM book- he read the back of it and said he would.
I think I'll feel a lot better when he's totally out of the condo. I've been having thoughts creep in that tell me that he's going to change his mind and stay there. But there's no real basis for that, I think I'm having a hard time trusting that we are on the upswing. We need to spend more time together alone, and we haven't been doing that.
it's sounds like you know what you guys need to do. Don't let that doubt creep in too much, it can affect your attitude, and therefore affect his.
definitely schedule a date night or something. Michelle wrote an article saying the biggest reason people break up is because they don't spend time with each other.
glad to hear he will read the book. what book is it?
just don't get dissappointed if he doesn't read it right away. It's probably not a priority for him.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Hmmm...maybe you should just start with something from Victoria's Secret...to get his imagination working.