Late in the Game-thread 6, maybe last in separated

[Sara]

OK, so don't get divorced just yet. You're the one who was about to file. Sign up for school and stay married until you finish the program. Maybe by then you will be a 10 year bride too!

[Sara]

And don't tell me you can't because you are locked into this or that. People do what they really want to do. If you really want this, then you will move heaven and earth to do it. All it really takes is desire.

[CBK]

You are right CW - for me, even though I may have sounded bitter in my posting, I don't mind paying alimony as I don't want to leave my WAW without. We chose Pleasanton and it has great schools, great neighborhood, so I get that part. Too bad your H doesn't see it the same way. My big thing is I get to pay until she remarries or I retire - that is for at least another 20 years! - that is a good hunk of change!

What did you do before you moved out to the Sacto area?

CBK

[cw68]

I don't know if I can stretch this that long all by myself. But I have to admit I was thinking today that I shouldn't file. As much as I do think it's the best chance I have at saving this thing, it would behoove my kids and (financially) me to stick it out as long as possible. But then if H doesn't choose to work on our marriage, I'm just full of empty threats.

One of my sisters thinks that I should milk this as long as possible, and not in a selfish way. She thinks that I should try to negotiate with my H in a non-divorce manner to try to get him to stick it out until I'm through with schooling. The only problem with that is then we'll be in the 10 year mark and my H isn't stupid. But she was thinking that we could go back to sharing the house with just a smaller apartment and I could go to school.

Do I even think about dragging this out or do I need to break free?

arrrrgghh

[Virtually_Handsome]

Rest a bit, cw! Let things become more clear. I'm not sure what the right choice is, but let it come to you, don't force it. Not for the purpose of dragging it out, just to be sure you really believe it's time.

((((((cw))))))

[CBK]

I agree with Jeff - you are not in a huge hurry right now. Put everything to pencil and paper - take your time and really think about it. I can't remember, does your H have a L?

Again, don't push anything right now.

Hey, if worse comes to worse, my kids leave for College in September, I have 5 rooms! Take care of yourself CW - I worry about you some nights, you are taking a lot on very quickly.

CBK

[Sara]

CW,

You have to do what is best for you. Your H will have no trouble choosing to do what is best for him. Get yourself registered for school. Let him know it is only fair. You sacrificed for his career. Now, before he abandons you with children to fend for yourself, he needs to give you a chance to get that degree and prepare yourself for the workforce. You guys sound pretty amicable. You can do that.

[JenInVen]

Hi CW

If I were you I'd talk to your H. Why not lay it out for him. You can put things in a D that you both agree on right? For example you want him to pay for you to go to school then ask him and then agree to put it in the D. Tell him what you expect from him and get him to agree to put it in the D.

I agree with Sara, go and register for a program you like. Tell him what your doing. You both seem to be friends and so he'll surely want whats best for you.

Have you thought of any new goals for yourself?

Jen

[MichelleLT]

I say talk to your H this weekend.

If you guys do mediation for a D, you can get anything he'll agree to sign for. So, maybe a realistic conversation about what needs to happen if/when you file for D might get him thinking.

Plus the courts will take your education/work history into account.

Sucks that you're not a long-term M. I'm not either, but since I don't have a break in work history, it's not as big a deal for me. (((cw))) Everything will work out in the end. Things always do. They don't always work out according to plan, but we always make the best of the situations life hands us.

[cw68]

H knows that I want him to pay for school and he says he won't, that my choice not to finish college was my choice long before we met. That is true. However, I wouldn't have had two kids and moved to a half-million dollar house if I thought I'd be supporting myself.

The L I went to seems to think that I could get a mediator to see that paying me to go back to college would be more beneficial for all in the long run and won't exactly cost him and arm and a leg.

CBK, I worked in consumer marketing before moving here to Sacto. In SF, I worked for one of the best graphic design companies in the country, we focused mostly on food and beverage package design. I worked as a marketing analyst on the new business side of things, identifying new markets to approach as well as specific people and was on a product/company naming team. Prior to that I worked for a boutique design firm that did the same thing on a smaller scale and before that I was a secretary at one of the big-three PR firms in the world.

In terms of schooling, my choices are totally different depending on whether or not I stay married. If we stay married, I am going to either buy a small cafe or become an interior decorator. Neither one will likely give me health insurance and/or a steady livable income. If we get divorced, I am going to become a radiology tech. This job isn't the excited job, but pays well, comes with benefits and with our population aging, will pretty much guarantee me employment. I really don't know what to do right now. I guess I could register for the college classes I need to go into the radiology school since there's some science classes I need. (Didn't need science as a woman's studies major!)

I know that long-term I will be fine. It's the next three-four years that have me concerned.