want to talk to H beforehand and acknowledge that it's awkward that we'll be up there with no one else to distract us.
NO. This is where you pull out all the stops on "acting as if". It's not about how you feel, but how you behave. To say you know it will be awkward will make it so. DON'T.
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I want to tell him that if he can't bring himself to look me in the eye and be present and nice to me, then he can leave his sorry ass at home.
If he's rude, how about pulling him aside and (keep it simple here) letting him know he's being rude by "x" behavior (keep it behavior specific, not what you're projecting). As in "I'd appreciate it if you'd respond when I speak to you". Keep it simple and NO R talk. You deserve common courtesy and respect.
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Makes me ILL that he needs to give it all up so he can be "happy."
As a good friend of mine tells me when I get into this type of thinking...."He's too F'd uped to really be happy, you need to let that go and just work on being happy yourself."
