I was going bald from stress (my hair falls out when I get stressed)
and
there was a moment when it was a do or die I guess I had to give it up to God because I couldn't control anything anymore
not even my reactions
I remember praying the same prayer over and over and it was just please help me...please help me
I had to give it up I had to because I couldn't do it alone
I prayed to find the meaning...the lesson
I went back to therapy and took honest and hard looks at myself. There wasn't a therapy session (and I went twice a week for a long time) where I didn't cry. The first probably 5 sessions were me just crying.
then we looked at behaviors and patterns and I did really hard work to figure out where my feelings came from.
I was going to start EMDR (I think) sessions but actually got my job and moved before they could start.
it doesn't happen over night
it happens when you are raw and exposed and humbled beyond what you have ever felt
it is then that the voice of God is clear My job was to listen
