Thank you for your response. Your comments were just what I needed to hear.
I am new to this. I have never posted in a forum or community chat before. I thought maybe the breast cancer topic might scare people off, so I made my second post a new thread.
I understand about sticking to one thread, and I do feel that my cancer is a very important part, if not the trigger of my husband's MLC.
My H and I had wonderful counseling while I was in treatment. We had a great chemo-C that I still have access to, but H will no longer go with me. Our last visit was the first part of March, and he went with me although he really didn't want to. I had made the apt. to discuss "adjustments/effects of my medication", and my H was adamant about only discussing that and none of the MLC issues. However, almost as soon as we got into the office he broke down and cried about what had been happening. It was a good session, but he now refuses to go back. He also refuses to check out her offer of a referal to anyone else. I have not returned because she was someone we saw together, and I don't want to close that door for chemo/medical issues. I have not had much experienc or luck in the past finding a pro-marriage, solution based counselor. That was why I turned to the DB book, which bought me to this web site.
Anyway, H now says that he never really told anyone how he was feeling, and that he locked all of his feelings away so that he could focus on caring for me. He says that he would cry in the shower every day, and that he has "cried me out of his system". He has repeated this to me many times, and has even asked, "why, did I cry so much" It seems to bother him quite a bit. I have to admit that I can't quite follow that logic. There was a lot of crying going on at that time. Cancer is a pretty good reason to cry. It seems kind of obvious to me that both of us were pretty scared, and it would make sense to me that he would cry about what might happen to me. What I can't understand is why he doesn't understand why he was crying. He is a very sentimental guy, and has no problem tearing up during sad movies. He is a big old bear on the outside, but very tender on the inside. He he isn't the type of guy that is embarassed to cry at a sad movie, and that was one of the things that I always loved about him.
I hate what is happening to our lives.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
