affair

[sandi2]

Now you have me crying! You are so sweet and I know you want to get through this and do the right thing......and the best for everyone. That being said......and truth be known.....it does not make it one bit easier, does it? Nope! I'll answer that b/c I've been there. I knew I was doing wrong. I knew what was right and what was best for everyone.....but it did not make it any easier. But, I think when we do get through the bad part of it.....the really painful part and we start seeing out from under the fog a little bit.....we start to gain momentum and can at least have some energy to apply toward our M.

No, you will not have much "feelings" toward your H. And by that I mean.....no feelings...period. You may feel completely void of anything for a while. In some ways, that might be a blessing in disguise b/c when there are really bad feelings between the H & W......that brings on another whole batch of problems to deal with. If you H can back off and give you time and space.....that will be the best thing he can do for you right now. You need to tell him or he will continue to smother you b/c he is scared and he is trying to keep from losing you. Tell him that you are going to remain in the M, but that he has to help by backing off and giving you time to work on yourself. That might sound easier for him to hear rather than tell him you are trying to grieve over a lost love.

I know from my own experience and from what other women have said that it takes time before the attraction stage returns to the R. You may or may not have any desire for sex with your H for a while. Every woman is different along those lines. Some need to have sex for the physical release, etc. Some can't stand the idea of the H touching them. So, don't beat yourself up for not having the "correct" feelings that you think you should be having by a certain time. B/c "time" is what it is going to take.

Remember that the motto here is "baby steps". Just a baby step a day will finally get you there. Don't try to make too many goals at once b/c you will set yourself up for failure and then you will be depressed and really beat yourself up.....and feel like giving up. We don't want that to happen. That is why I'm going to be right here with you to help you through this....okay? Not that I'm such a "winner" by any means, just that I think I understand what you are going through.

Take care of yourself. That is important. Read good inspirational books (if you like to read). Stay away from those "romantic novels"....they are killers for us that thrive on those fantasies. Do something on purpose that will make you feel good about yourself b/c I know that your self esteem is probably low right about now. You need to feel good about you. Start with forgiving yourself. Even when I asked God to forgive me......I couldn't seem to forgive myself. It was there staring me in the face all the time. The guilt was eating me up. We can't heal if we have the guilt and we can't get over the guilt until we forgive ourselves. So, sweetie, forgive yourself for having fallen in love with a young man that held on to your heart for a long time. Know that he will always have a special place in your memories and maybe even in your heart, but as I told you last time, you must treat it as though he has died to you and you have to move on. You will come out of this a better person b/c you are going to heal and you are going to do a lot of self improvement (b/c we are going to work on this together....okay?) and you are going to like yourself a whole lot better. Then you will be able to like your H! That's a good starting place.....don't you think?

I'll check on you tomorrow, but know that I'm here every night and sometimes I get a chance to check my posts at lunch time.

Talk to you later,
Sandi