Help! New to this...still hoping for R

[Rusty]

Sandi - thank you so much for your words! I would like to know more about you - I think you are very wise. I had so much happen today that was relating to anger and control that it felt like God was definitely leading me to pay attention to those issues! And you were the one who brought alot of those things to my attention. Or at least made them come to the forefront again. It is really hard to feel like you have to always be the strong, decisive one - like you said - sometimes you want a man to take charge once in a while. It would be nice if it was the H. I always had to dole out the discipline, the decisions on if the kids could or could not do something, where we would go, what we would do, who we would see and not because I wanted to, but because no one else would do it. It got to be such a burden that I think I got angry about it! Was that productive - NO but it happened. I had a dad who was very decisive, made all the decision and doled out all the disipline - so do I see the parallels? Yup! But still, it would be nice to just melt into someone else and have them be your guy!
If it wasn't for my kids, I don't know where I would be. How they became such great adults (well the ones who are) is beyond me. My middle son (22) is a real challenge, but he is so much like his dad it is scary. Love him to death, but really seems to be on a downward spiral. But I am there for him no matter what, and my karma teaching really come to play here.
Thanks Sandi - it is people like you who read between the lines and makes great observations that cause us to really think. Thankyou!!!