Rusty, I am so glad to hear that you and the kids are close. I was concerned about that. Also, that you have been to counseling about the anger issues. You know, just b/c we have these issues do not make us a bad person! Things happen in our lives that we have no control over.....usually when we are young and feel so helpless, but anyway we all can probably identify with anger issues at some time or another.
I feel a lot better after you sent me this last post. You and Sophie do have things in common. I can also understand what it is like to have a H that shows .......shall I use the word...."weakness" in certain areas. When that happens, the woman feels as though she has to be the strong one in the family. There were things that happened in my family that I felt the same way.....as though I had to make the decisions and be the stronger one.....when in my heart I wanted a man that I could lean on and him take on the responsibility. So, I do understand.
I was worried that it was getting out of control and you were not seeing that it was taking over your life and I sure didn't want it to cause you to loose your R with your kids.
We all have room for improvement, as I have said. I could work on me from now on and never get enough improved! I hope you realize that I said what I did from a heart of pure concern. Being a lot older.....as I told you, I have seen a lot of women who allowed the years of anger turn them into horrible, bitter old women that nobody wanted to be around. I think bitterness is about the worst thing that can happen to women. I don't know anything that can bring about bitterness/anger more than a D. So, if things don't work out between you and your H......I hope that you have enough determination not to let that happen to you and just grow and improve yourself in all areas of your personal growth as an individual. If you have good business skills and the "smarts and guts" that a woman has to have in today's business world, I say....go get 'em. As Sophie said, there still seems to be a double standard in the business world where men and women are concerned, so you have to be tough to survive.
A lot of what you said about your H in your post.....I can fully understand from your POV. It is hard to be the stronger personality in a M and then when they decide (finally) to step up and make a decision......to keep our mouth shut! I have been guilty of the same thing....that is why I could see what you were saying.
When my daughter was diagnosed with very brittle Type I diabetes at 15 and we were told she would probably never live to see 20, I did not realize that my frustration of dealing with everything I went through with her (alone, I felt) had turned to anger. When it was pointed out to me....it crushed me b/c I thought I was being strong. I had to be b/c her dad stuck his head in the sand and I had to be the one to take care of her and deal with all her emotional junk and the rebellion, etc. I thought I was covering it up by showing a personality that was laughing and being nice around people.....but there was one person that saw through that and pointed it out to me. So, I had to deal with my own anger issues about the unfairness in what had happen to my daughter and to our lives.
Unfairness can cause us to be mad. Life is unfair, people are unfair.......it gets to be too much for us. But, I just want you to know that I do understand, Rusty, even if it may have sounded like I was coming down on you a little hard.....I do understand, really.
I do stand by what I said about you would have to make those changes for YOU and for life. And, that it will take a long time to convince your H that you really have changed. However, as you or Sophie one mentioned.....you may not want him by then. That happens. The important thing is that you are working on you! You see what needs to be improved and you are working on it.
There are two words used on this board more than any others and that is "time and patient". Because that is what it takes to hang in there for the loooooong haul. If you want him back badly enough, then don't give up on him. However, I do think you need to detach and just focus on you and your self improvements and your business and of course, the kids. As you work on all of that.....if he comes around and you still want him....that's fine. If he comes around after seeing the new and improved you.....and you don't want him and have decided to move on without him....it is his loss.
Detachment gives you time to think about a lot of things and I personally believe it is good in most stitch's where there are M problems.
Thanks for responding to me. I feel much better by what you said and I hope you will stick with it. Keep working on that list.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
