That's the way I see it Lizzy. I have nothing left to lose. I know I'm going to be ok either way. To be honest....the less complicated answer to all this right now would be to sell the house and move on. If H starts showing signs of second guessing himself...that's when things will get complicated! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
You are so adorable. Just be yourself and try to remove as much emotion as you can. I had a talk with my husband a couple of weeks ago and my goal was to be completely emotionless. Total failure for me. It's so hard. Just try to talk to him like a friend... Oh, and zero expectations, sweetie.
Best of luck. Will be channelling all the 'emotionlessness' to you that I can.
(((((JennyF))))
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Good luck. Hope everything goes how YOU want it to. Please keep us posted. Any bites on the house, yet?
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
Oblivious. Still the best word to describe H. I had the conversation and he refused to admit that he is making poor decisions for his children. He excused it all away. I told him I knew about the drinking & driving and he said it was mistake he's learned from it and it won't happen again. He again tried to separate that from the kids saying they weren't with him and I said, "They need a father! You can't make stupid decisions like that when you have kids". He just doesn't get it. I tried to talk a bit about the 'buzz' around town about to get him to see that I am not the only one who believes he is making poor decisions. He just doesn't believe it. He doesn't even see what's happening to his other relationships let alone really know what his friends are thinking.
He said he's happy in his life. I said it makes me sick to my stomach every time my kids are there at that house with him.
He still thinks all of this is just my way of trying to control things and that it is all in an effort to get him to come home. Even when I explained that wasn't the case he still thinks I'm just a woman scorned trying to get back at him. It's like I'm talking to a child really.
Well, from a DB perspective I would call today a backslide. But since I don't truly consider myself to be actively DB'ing anymore...I don't care! He needed to hear those things out of concern for our children. The good news is that in the past when I've had conversations like that with him and they ended the same way...I would be in tears and then I'd be reliving the fact that it's over between us again. But I don't feel that way this time. I'm a bit sad obviously that he didn't break down in tears and profess his love for me...but I really wasn't expecting that anyway. And now it just means that I can clearly proceed with selling this house and buying the one I want with my consience clear. I told him today that I wanted him to know that I still don't want a divorce and that all of this is still his choice...nothing mutual about it. But I am ok and I will continue to be. That I moving on without him and I'm fine.
My best friend called me after and she was talking to another friend again about it all and told me again that it is just a matter of time before friends start talking to H about how they feel. It's coming, she said.
So that's it. Status quo. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
I'm really losing confidence in the human race. I'm so sorry your husband is Mr. Oblivious. I'm supremely impressed with how you handle your life. Your children are SOL when it comes to their father leading by example, but, boy oh boy, does their mommy make up for it times a gazillion.
Thanks for being such a shining example for all of us.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
He still thinks all of this is just my way of trying to control things and that it is all in an effort to get him to come home. Even when I explained that wasn't the case he still thinks I'm just a woman scorned trying to get back at him. It's like I'm talking to a child really.
I get that at times with my W - Your H is defiantly stuck in OW fog land right now. Even if other people start to tell him the same thing, he's not going to want to hear it and block it out.
I am honestly amazed at how well you are doing. Hopefully what you say here is a good representation of how your really feel. You have done a fantastic job detaching from your H. It sounds like you're doing the right thing - The OW thing will lose it's appeal eventually.
I was hopeful that the shininess of ow had begun to dull.. especially after hearing how they behaved at that party... but his reaction and defensiveness to your conversation just prove that he is not there mentally right now. I really hope his rude awakening arrives soon.
As a mother I feel you had to address some of the inappropriate things he's been doing.. I wouldn't say it's a backslide at all!
