1hope, I am sorry you find yourself here, but you have come to a supportive safe place to talk. Everyone here is/has gone through what you are.
How old are you and your H? Do you have any children? How long have you been married?
Any major life change or event can trigger MLC, in my case it was the birth of our 2nd child that sent my H reeling. He was also mean to me and he had an affair.
The positive I see in your sitch is that your H is still at home. My H also tried to hide money, but he had moved out so I could not keep close tabs on him, I just knew he was not giving me enough money to pay bills and take care of the kids.
Don't take anything he says personally...when he gets argumentative don't engage in a conversation. Half the reason he is mad and yells at you is to get a rise out of you. He is deflecting his feelings and actions on you so that he can blame someone.
your H probably believes everything is your fault. It is not your fault; however it takes two to make a R work so reflect on anything you can change to make your marriage better.
The other thing that took me a long time to get through my head was that I could not change H, make him change his mind, think a certain way or anything. The only thing I could control was my reaction to him. I stopped allowing H to change my moods depending on how he was acting.
I made a life for me...I only talked to H if it had to do with the kids, otherwise that I treated him like a neighbor...kind of indifferent.
H and I have reconciled and our M is better than it was before. We have gone to counseling and I have realized my part in the downfall of our M...I have worked to change my ways and so has H.
H chose to leave the M for an affair, not the right way to do things but she was a bandaid. It took him time to realize that he wasn't happy with himself and I really had nothing to do with it.
I read your other post...the best way to communicate on these boards is to stick to the same thread so we can find you.
Don't walk on eggshells, but don't start arguments. Change the way you respond to H when he starts to yell. Say "sorry you feel this way" or "I will talk to you when you calm down" and then leave the room.
You don't deserve to be treated with disrespect but it sounds like your H is reeling from your illness. Did the two of you receive counseling while you were going through treatment? Maybe your H did not talk to anyone about his feelings and did not want to talk to you because it may be upsetting to you therefore hindering your recuperation??
