hey Rob, sounds like things are going great! so what happens in vegas stays in vegas
found out about affair 8/06 H moves out Nov/06 D final 8/07 X re marries OW 5/08 _________________________ Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying... " I will try again tomorrow". -- Mary Anne Radmacher
Hi gang, SD poked me over on her thread, no updates in a while, so here I am! Lessee...
We went with another family on vacation to the beach a couple weeks back. We have not vacationed with other people before, it was a "learning experience". Overall, we had a lot of fun and it was cool to have other people around. However, we discovered that we fell into two camps for "vacation styles". I, W, the other dad, and the D13 from the other family are all about Vacations are for doing fun activities. My D16, the other mom, and the D15 and D17 from the other family are all about Vacations are for INactivity. Not the best mix! I guess the good news is that W realized I was in the "right" camp!
Now that the second-vacation-in-two-months is over, W is making "I'm bored let's plan out every weekend for the rest of the summer" noises. Is there no satisfying this woman!? Ah, well, what's a guy to do - except get with the program and help line up people and fun activities. A tough job, but somebody's gotta do it. (Seriously, the [censored] stuff has given me a good perspective on this and how to deal with it.)
D16 has had her ups and downs lately. On the plus side, she started her first job, as a lifeguard at the local YMCA. Glad to see her taking on the extra responsibility. On the minus side, she has decided her future - she wants to be a European History teacher, and immediately jumped to the conclusion that the ONLY acceptable place to study this as an undergrad is in Cambridge in the UK. Three serious problems with that - her grades are merely average, mom and dad do not believe she is (or will be) mature enough to live in Europe in a couple of years, and mom and dad do NOT have the money to pay for that even if she managed to get into the school. Trying to talk sense into her is viewed as "crushing my dreams". I am successfully stepping back from the issue, but am having a hard time keeping W from jumping in with both feet to try to "fix" it.
Work is really hectic and challenging. OTOH, had my 20th anniversary with this company last week, though - got me feeling again like I need to get my butt moving out the door. We all just know each other too well after all this time - it's like working every day with your family!
Finally, went out bike riding with W and a friend on Saturday. Had a terrific time until a squirrel darted into the road in front of W. Lots of screaming and zig-zagging later, I was face-first on the pavement with scrapes all down my right side. Fortunately I was wearing a helmet - could have been MUCH worse. Just learned today that the X-rays taken yesterday showed I do NOT have a broken nose or wrist - whew! This was my first scary bike accident after several years of riding, happy to say I am bouncing back well and we are already lining up a big group ride for this coming weekend.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
tell your daughter to enroll in a localish college and check their study abroad programs
that way you pay your university fee instead of Cambridge's (make sure they have a program there...most do)
that way, she will have to do some of her generals since most colleges don't offer study abroad until junior year...
gives her time to mature and something to plan for
(my college did an exchangfe with cambridge and also with tons of other ones...sheck out their study abroad program...they will be more than willing to talk about it)
Hi fig, The Study Abroad Junior Year Route is a great idea which we have tried several times to discuss with D16, just to get the "you are just crushing my dreams" silliness. At this point, I like our friend's advice on this: When D16 says "I want to go to Cambridge", I step back and say "Make it happen!" I get the impression that this is NOT the desired response.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Oh heck no Cambridge isn't all that! I went to uni there (not THE uni, I hasten to add). it's wonderful in the summer but from October right through until April it's damp and cold. Because the area is flat, the cold winds just blow right onto and through it.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
A question...since women are generally the planners of a family's social life, it seems strange to me that your W wants you to do all of that. Is there a reason? I'm only asking because I expect my H to make our plans too...and I'll confess, I get a little irritated when he doesn't have plans. Like it's his responsibility or something :P
I don't know about your W...but for me it's about me starting to see myself differently than before the bomb. Before the bomb I really wasn't that social due to social anxiety. And H was always the one making the plans, and I'd fight him about going because I was always so darn anxious. So, I'm less anxious about social things, but I found my anxiety climbing the other day when I asked a new friend of mine if she wanted to go meet for lunch...like I don't know, maybe she'd reject me or something?
I think it might be good for you to ponder the question of why your W leaves it to you to make plans...because there was the tiniest hint of resentment-ish in your comment about "is there no satisfying this woman?!" Or maybe not.
Sorry the vacay didn't work out so well, but I know you made the best of it. It's funny, H and I are split in the way we like to vacation, but we've both learned to compromise a little so we both get what we want. It's all good!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
I think it might be good for you to ponder the question of why your W leaves it to you to make plans...because there was the tiniest hint of resentment-ish in your comment about "is there no satisfying this woman?!" Or maybe not.
Well, actually, the "issue" isn't quite like that....
W is the Big Planner in the family - for example, for the last few days, she's had the calendar out and is busily trying to fill in every single weekend with fun things to do, through the end of the fall.
Now, I am also (for a guy!) something of a Planner With A Capital P. However, when faced with that sort of over-the-top, plan-every-minute behavior, it's very difficult to "compete". So, for years, I tended to throw in the towel and just let her do the planning... only to be complained at I didn't do enough to make plans. My approach now is to try to find a happy balance - chip in with suggestions and help plan where I can (or occasionally just take matters into my own hands, ala the Vegas trip), while accepting that I can never really get "ahead" in this game.
I wouldn't have said "resentment", but just maybe a little bit of "frustration". But not a HUGE FREAKIN' deal, just one of those places where ya gotta figure out how to agree to disagree in a way that leaves everybody content.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Hey Jen, been sent your way as a fellow UKer and apparently you might be able to help me with some questions.
I hope to read up on your sitch from start to finish and W out tonight so might be a chance, but would you be kind enough to pop over to my thread in Newcomers for a little insight. (Even to just find out who's sending you stalkers and give them a 2x4 !!!)
