Refuse To Lose, Part VIII

[AliSuddenly]

Hi RTL,

I think that you could have responded to your W text: W's repied and said I was right as to why she'd be upset, then she threw out this: "Why was it so hard for you to be nice to me?" followed by "Do you know?" Needless to say, I didn't reply to either of these.

I just dont see how yu can move things along if you ignore any attempts, however clumsy, for her to talk to you about your R. I think, if it were me, I would have acknowledged it somehow and offered to listen if she wanted to talk about it. You could have said, I'm sorry to hear that you think it was hard for me to be nice to you, I didnt realise you felt that way. I am always here for you if you would like to talk to me about it"

or something !?? WOrth a try ? She can only ignore it/say no.

As for the not answering her calls and texts re the head lice, well, ok, so she gets annoyed when your not available, but she isnt wondering waht your doing, and thinking, hmm, RTL is getting kind of interesting, I wonder who hes out with ? (which would be good DBing), she was actually mad at you for not being there for her and your D when she is going through something shes not coping well with as a mother (rightly or wrongly). So again, if your GOAL is to impress/win back your W, maybe you should have answered the phone and been there for her? Listened and validated? Even if she was going off the deep end about nits and over reacting !

I wonder if you're not trying to take a bit of control back by not answering the phone, but seeing as issues of control were instrumental in the breakdown of the R, you perhaps should avoid any controlling behavuours completely?

I'm only trying to help here, I think you need to be super accomodating right now to your W, except over issues to do with custody, of course!

Other than that, I am glad you got out for a beer and you sound so much better than a few weeks ago. Are you feeling better?

Ali x