I think I may have made a mistake. I text her that it was nice having her around and that the boys were really happy....no response since....LOL. I think she thinks I am trying to get her back. If she only knew. She is still thinking about her and herself only but I think she is making progress in that area.
She may think that you are still interested in trying or on the other hand she may see how important her participation is in the boys' life. You have made an amazing amount of progress on yourself and haven't come to your decision in haste. You seem to have come to peace with your decision and you are staying strong. Better things await you.
Thanks HIC, I feel like things are looking up. Not for my R but for my life and the life of my boys.
She even came by the night before last and just sat in the living room with the boys for hours, laughing and looking at pics. She stayed long enough to tuck them into bed because she wanted to. I can only see that as good. All the while she is talking about taking a job on the other side of the country. I feel bad for her. I know she is confused and hurt.
I'm not telling you to wait for "years" for her.... You mentioned that you didn't plan on dating or remarrying for at least a good long while.... so I took at that you don't plan to seriously date while you have kids around and you don't plan to foist some step-parent on your kids.
Never WAIT on an ex-wife. She's history... I'm just saying that if you are not planning to date... there's no need to bolt the door shut. In other words, if she knocked at the door and was interested in coming in to take a look. Why not? If you are detached and don't expect anything from her you you have nothing to lose, and you may even gain a friend.... and gosh, if friendship occurs you can always go very slowly and see where it leads. I hope that makes sense.
I don't think her moving away is so bad. You won't have to worry about shelping the kids back and forth every week or weekend and you don't have to worry what guys or relationships she's exposing the kids to. This would help ensure you'd get more custody.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thanks again ROOT, I also think her leaving the area is a potentially good thing. I think she is a bit shocked that I encourage her to do it and agree with her that it is a great opportunity. I don't think I have to worry about custody I hope. This is Virginia and she abandoned her children, that and she doesnt want them.
I'm glad to hear she was a bit shocked about your position. That's good. It means she's experiencing your detachment, and a selflessness in you that wants her to find happiness... that's very good. You come across as a great guy (which you are!!!) and she has to make this decision on her own (rather than in response to you begging her to stay).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thanks HIC, I am really surprised myself to be honest. I really don't know how I got where I am so fast but I am just happier when she is not around and I think that our smaller family is actually healthier as a trio.
You know, for many years I felt like I was the one who was not getting my needs met. I always longed for her to be more affectionate and passionate. I always longed for her to encourage me and build me up as her man who would do anything for her. I stayed in the marriage because that is what I believed was right even though there were things missing for me. I felt that as an adult I was supposed to put my feelings aside and do the right thing for my kids and love my wife for who she was. Sad to say I guess that is what has made detaching so easy for me.
