ms ladybug concerned...MR bug wants to move home.

[Dom R]

I DO care about my marriage, I really do. I just feel so pushed back, and treated like crap, that I don't want this stranger back. Yes, I've listened to his gripes about me, and some are valid, MOST are WAY off base. I'm tired of the finger pointed at me, when he is clearly bordering on, if not full-on, abusive.

I completely understand that.

If I were to tell him today, "Let's work on our marriage." His response would be, "Great. How are you going to change?"

AAAand... what will be your response to that?
If he's going to be your husband in the future... doesnt he deserve an answer to that?

I'm never going to convince him that he needs help, that he is abusive, or that he's hurtful.

That may be true. the most important thing is, can you convince him to stop doing those hurtful actions to you, for whatever reason works for him?

I KNOW the things I need to work on,

then may I suggest the next time he asks you that question of "what are YOU going to change?", or similar... that rather than trying to deflect the question...or counterattacking.... that you response simply, and directly, by listing those things that you "know you need to work on"?

I think that you choosing to do that, may make him much more receptive to what you want, AFTER you recognize, acknowlege, and validate the things that you need to change, to him.

I also won't go back to the SAME MAN. I will NOT put up with disrespect. I WILL NOT put up with verbal abuse, nor will i put up with physical abuse. I can't.

you dont have to.

the best way for you to get him to treat YOU better, though... is to first make him feel safe and secure, that you will treat HIM better.