Hey, lmg ~ I have just read through this whole thread (a little at a time, as I'm supposed to be working!).
You probably don't remember, but my H was insistent that he was leaving, that he wasn't the same person, that his feelings wouldn't change. I drew up a separation agreement for us and we both signed it - it included a list of monthly expenses for both households and how much money we would both provide, based on our incomes. He had agreed to stay until after Christmas and had an apartment rented and ready to move into.
I kind of pushed the telling the kids part on the day we had agreed to do that. At that point, when it really came down to it, he couldn't do it.
Of course, your H and mine are different people - the main point is that we have no idea what's going to happen in the next five minutes, never mind the next five days, weeks or years.
For me, going along with the separation - seeming in some ways to be looking forward to it - presented my H with a clearer picture of what he was choosing to do and how much damage it would cause. We are in no way out of the woods and I think things could still go either way, but it is a bit better.
I think your H is depressed, which doesn't help much since there isn't anything you can do about it. If there is anyway you can encourage him to talk to his doctor about medication without increasing the tension, do it. Glad to hear that a bigger dose seems to be helping you - I kept talking about how much better I was feeling on the ADs, which was a fairly big factor in my H deciding to try them too, I think. Unfortunately, he's on a very low dose and his doctor doesn't seem to be at all interested in following up with him properly. He has said that he may go see 'my' doctor (he's at a walk-in clinic), as he has been very careful and effective working with me.
I have a male depression questionaire which lists different types of behaviour than traditionally seen on depression questionaires (which tend to reflect female patterns of depression), and I still see my husband in it quite strongly. Things like: I feel burned out. I feel empty. I have difficulty making ordinary, everyday decisions. In the morning, especially, I have a feeling of disquiet/anxiety/displeasure. I think that other people go out of their way to irritate me. My feelings are blunted and I feel numb. I know I feel hostile even though I don't always let it show.
There's more - it's in a book called The Irritable Male Syndrome, by Jed Diamond. There was a great deal in this book that felt familiar to me when I first read it a few years ago. My H agreed to do the questionnaire, but so far, it's just sitting there (I made a copy for him) and I am not going to remind him, as I am still walking on DB eggshells.
As others have said - you can do this! Perhaps you could start by taking over some of those 'man' things you said you counted on your H for - I can't remember exactly - was it things like paying the bills? You could say that since you will be responsible for the house once he moves out, you'd better get familiar with what you'll need to do.
