MrsH, I hope you're ok...I know that feeling of hopelesness and despair, all to well. It's a strange way how we can think that not being here anymore would make this all easier and such a better place. In fact, it's NOT ! Your children would miss you HORRIBLY, they would miss the warmth and love that only a mother can give. They would miss getting to know you, understand you, cherish you, love you, embrace you and be proud of you for the choices and struggles you have overcome !
Please tell me that you are ok, that you will not do anything silly. For silly it would be, you must never attempt to end your life, just because you want to make room for a JACK_ASS !
You are a precious individual, who will find such happiness, once your anger subsides, and the pain lessens...
I'm sending you cuddles and hugs, take care dear friend !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
For the record, I am not going to do anything stupid and take my life. It was more of a figure of speech from my frustration in all of this.
I have an appointment with a supposedly real top notch go-getter attorney tomorrow.
Maybe she can help my confidence a little bit in this case.
I just feel like this judge so far is siding with JA.
He gets to walk out the door on me and the boys, treat me like crap, be nothing but a disney dad when it's convenient for him and still gets his way in the end.
I think the Law Guardian was totally out of place by recommending a 6 month trial for JA to step up to the plate.
Of course he would do it for 6 months so I couldn't go anywhere and then we would be right back where we started from.
He hasn't stepped up to the plate in over 2 years!
His latest shenanigans is that he wants to take the boys tomorrow night since the boys have off Friday and Monday from school.
I was told by my L that if the boys have off from school on a Monday of the weekend he has them, he can have them for an extended weekend.
She did not tell me I had to give them to him early though.
He left a message on my answering machine this morning also that he would like to pick up S4 early today and then pick up S7 from school.
I am so tired of him wanting me to give, give, give and he gives nothing in return.
I put up a fight about it but with no legal recourse right now I have nothing to back me up.
So he came and got S4, I convinced him to wait until S7 gets off the bus before he gets him.
After he picked up S4 he calls me up and says "You know I just want to say that if you ever want to get out at night like go out with your friends or anything just call me up and I will come up and watch the boys so you can go out. I don't have anything to do so I don't mind if I have to come up every night and watch them."
I just responded with a "uh-huh."
He is playing a game. He is trying to show the courts that he is Mr. Wonderful Dad and I am trying to hold him back.
In 2 years he has not offered that. One of the reasons he gave me for not coming home every night when we were together was because the drive was too much for him. Now it's not?
For so long I fought him over him wanting me to meet him halfway because he didn't want to make the whole drive himself, and now he has no problem coming up every night to watch the kids so I can go out?
It's all an act and I am not playing along with it right now.
I will hopefully like this L tomorrow and she can give me some advice.
Right now I am so damn frustrated because I feel like no matter what I am being screwed from every angle.
Smoking helps, but you will soon regret it. Plus it's just another expense that's unnecessary (trust me, I'm right there now).
I still think you're doing well MrsH. There's only so much someone can take, so make fake smiles, nods, etc. one can do before they need to let it all out.
Dar, I know smoking won't help in the long run, it was kind of more of a joke. Just saying I need something to help me from going insane!
I guess I can always go back on my AD's. I just feel like I need something to help me cope with the stress before I end up having a heart attack at the age of 32.
I have been getting terrible headaches from this stress too and my back is had been bothering me.
When is it my time to be stress free?
I just hope this is not a premonition of how things are going to be for about the next 20 years of dealing with the parent of my children who has obviously lost his freakin' mind.
I am just tired of trying to hang in there all the time.
Kiki, I was posting to you on your thread just now.
I keep telling myself his time will come but so far I am not seeing it.
Everyone told me it would be when we went to court and we are going to court and so far the hag who calls herself a judge is siding pretty much with him.
How long do I have to wait for things to turn around?
I am on the verge of a breakdown, geez!
Now I feel like I can't take any control because the judge already thinks I am being vindictive.
I need a shark L and I plan on telling this L tomorrow just that.
