Help! New to this...still hoping for R

[Sophie]

After a few months, I thought things were going great and pushed to have him come home. His apartment rent was up in August and I didn't want to continue spending the money on it. The pushing, of course, didn't work and drove him away.

Rusty,,,this is Me too!(I hope I do this color quoting right)

and this:

He probably will never file for D, it will be up to me, he is a procrastinator and unless there is a really big reason, he just won't. No money, no urgency, etc. Is there hope??? What do I do, he seems to be so content without us and pleased to be on his own without any responsibilities. How do I make him miss us and realize how important family and marriage are? I hate this so much. I have prayed and read and cried, it has just been such a long time! Any thoughts would be helpful!

I wasn't the best spouse and took alot of granted - always had the control and upper hand,

ME TOO! Plus, I am 10 years older...so I've understand a lot of this is about my H experiencing growth that I had...like having his own place. He never lived on his own...though, he was very independent and not under his parents control. Missing out on some of the stepping stones in life definately added to my H's need to 'replay' what he missed.

I understand and totally 'get' about the controlling wife...it is importatnt to have freedom and individuality in a marriage. That seems to be one of the major 'growing pains' that marriages go through. I don't want the marriage we had, I am not the same...there are benefits from his MLC,,,and maybe my own MLC...

I don't know anymore the difference between when I am controlling, or being a conscientious adult. I don't know when I am being bossy or when I am not allowing myself to be treated with utter disrespect.

And....that's when I detach