I have to realize it is okay for me to get angry, and I really don't think I have been able to do that yet.
My H had an EA, and when he told me he did not want to be with me anymore I believe it was a direct result of this. This is not to say there were not problems that led to this, but I digress...again.
He met the OW at work. I knew they were friends, but he had never given me a reason to distrust him so I didn't worry. She was going through a rough divorce, and they were "smoking buddies." Now, I know that he did not actually have a PA with her, because, well, he can't. This may be the reason he is so mad at me right now for suggesting sex. (He was supposed to be on a testosterone treatment so I figured it was worth a shot. <~~~not one of my better moments). Anyway, back on the subject, the night he told me he could not be married to me anymore, I did something I never do and went through his email. I found love letters from her, not to her, and pictures she sent him of the two of them sitting together outside. I was so hurt I thought I was going to have a breakdown. He was gone, told me he was leaving me, and then all of a sudden here is this woman who took my H.
The biggest part is he really talked to her about our marriage. For such a long time, I have buried these feelings of anger because I don't want to feel like I am walking away. But I know it is okay for me to be angry, and so I am going to try not to bury the feelings, and be angry at him for hurting me. I am angry that he chose to speak to another woman instead of me. I am angry that he is not calling me. I am angry that he does not want to live with me right now. I am angry at myself for feeling like I always have to make excuses for him.
Whew.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
