After our little bump in the road the other week its never been meantioned again. W is a little more distant if anything. The week went pretty much as usual only I decided to have a party on Sat night. I asked W if she could have D12 over that night as she may be more comfortable. W said "sure no problem" Then later I get a txt " I guess that means I am not invited" I txt back " I guess I should not assume , you are more than welcome" Then she txt " doesnt matter , I wouldnt have come anyway" Anyway I had a good birthday party , a little too good Lots of people came , that was cool. Interesting thing happened was that W came round on the Saturday and borrowed my Car while I was out , at least left the keys to her car. She brought it back 4.00pm the next day ( day after the party ) . I did not say anything , I do find it amusing though.
She got me a small present for my Birthday and a card , She did write "with much love " in the card so that was nice. Other than that not a lot of contact other than what we need to deal with kids etc.
One thing else that may have an interesting outcome is that an attractive female friend took me out for dinner on the Friday night and we ran into one of W's best friends. I went and said hello , so It will be interesting if I hear anything about this. Nothing romantic going on( despite what I may fantasise.. LOL ).
So thats it , still get lonely at times , but mostly enjoying life as I can.
I see that your W gave you the standard "checking to make sure you're still there" response to your party.
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Then later I get a txt " I guess that means I am not invited" I txt back " I guess I should not assume , you are more than welcome" Then she txt " doesnt matter , I wouldnt have come anyway"
I wonder what her response would have been if you had answered "It's going to be a small party", or "Gosh, I didn't even think of that." Something non-specific that didn't go either way.
That's a classic though, asking if she's invited only to say she wouldn't come anyway.
The borrowing of your car on party day is pretty funny & amazingly transparent.
It sounds like you are enjoying life right now, it gets so much easier once you let it go, as you have.
always good to hear from you. I do wonder what would have happened , however I try not to play games too much and I was serious that she was welcome to come along. However W has not so much as invited me for a coffee in over a year so I did not get too concerned.
The Car thing is a bit of a liberty. First its not my car but a company vehicle , and my "spouse" is able to use the vehicle as part of our employment package. Its seems that she still considers herself as my wife , when it suits , or it could just be a way that she can save on fuel costs. I suspect the later and she knows that I will not get upset.
Perhaps thats my LRT , to stop being so nice. mmmm thinking now
I just posted on SD's thread but it is a thought that I would like to post on here as well.
it quite simple
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The times I miss my W with intensity have seemingly all but gone. I do struggle with that , i think I should still feel something , but those feelings are hard to find now. I do feel Guilty about that for some reason.
Is this the beginning of the end ? Is this caused by getting attention from other women ?
Is this the beginning of the end ? Is this caused by getting attention from other women ?
It is the beginning of the end, which of course preceeds the beginning of the beginning of whatever comes next!
I don't think it is caused by getting attention from other women, but rather the other way around. By that I mean that once you truely let go, you (either consiously or unconsiously)start sending out the message that you are available and generally are more self-confident. This then makes women notice you and vice versa. And so it goes.
Unfortunately, I still don't feel comfortable going anywhere with this just yet...I am however keeping an ever growing list of women who I would like to get to know better!
SD.
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
I do wonder what would have happened , however I try not to play games too much and I was serious that she was welcome to come along.
Actually, I meant that as more of a rhetorical question, as I think I know what the answer would likely be. She would find another way to reframe it & on it would go. (This may just be projection on my part.
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Unfortunately, I still don't feel comfortable going anywhere with this just yet...I am however keeping an ever growing list of women who I would like to get to know better!
Its been a difficult week. I realy got very depressed and started to miss W like crazy. This was triggered by a mutal friend letting slip about new OM thinking i knew. I got where they met ( party month ago ) that he is separated , name and occupation. I surprised myself by how much this affected me and I nose dived into what I could best describe as a pit of dispair. To top it off I was having vivid dreams of W being with me in bed I would wake and be alone.
During this I txt W.
" I have been a bit of a mess over last day or two" W - Its all good we all have bad days " I know , I have to let you go dont i ?" W - Wots brought this on? who you been talking 2? "its getting close to a year and I have lost my way a bit. I not angry or upset at you in any way" W- Answer my question? Who hve u been talking Too? Im still in lymbo as i havnt broken away completely have I ? " Not sure what you are getting at talking 2 someone , is there something i should know?" No. Just you hardly said Boo about your Bday party. Dont know you have been secretive
Then she started to talk about a mutual friend who has never taken sides and said that this friend would be manipulating my feelings against her etc etc.
and this deteriorated in an instant too
U couldnt wait to tell everyone I was such a hoe! U know what I havent told anyone , cause I am too ashamed of what I have done ! So yeah Im the bad one like you say ! " i not sure I ever said that , I hope I treated you with understanding if not I appologise"
I turned the phone off , I had done enough damage .
Then we can fast forward.................................................to yesterday.
W turns up mid afternoon , worse for wear after a long night out , stays on the couch watching TV , says very little . was there at dinner time so i fed her , fell asleep for a while then left. never even mentioned the other night.
I sat there watching her while she slept and though to myself what am I thinking? This woman has issues that go way beyond me .
her visit lifted my depression like magic.
I think I am off to the MLC forum with all the others who have Crazey spouses.
Dave, Glad you made it through your down spell. It seems that you are getting to the point that you recognize this when it is happening and eventually self-correct back to focusing on what you can control. Next step is to refocus your thoughts back to the right frame of mind before you descend into the negative behavior and thought patterns.
My favorite is to completely refocus on the present. On the amazing gift it is to be alive in this particular moment and place. On the fact that it will never occur again, just as it is now.
Anyway, glad you are back in a better place, keep on keepin' on!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
I looked in on your thread. I so wish I was where you are. You seem to be doing so well. Yes, they have "issues", but we love them. I wouldn't trade mine for any woman on the planet given the choice, issues and all (if I could only get that through her thick head).
Keep up the good work.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Seems that if we regress into R talk that goes awry, or "crazy talk" w/our S's, if we just leave it alone, it is soon forgotten. Although, I'm sure it works out better to avoid those talks altogether, mostly because it sets us back & puts us in a negative state.
SD & Sleeper are right, you are doing well. It's easier for us, who are as close to it, to see.
How's it been lately? Are you still moving over to MLC?
