NTE - you are preaching to the choir. I don't know if you read my original thread or not, but I was the one in my marriage who tried everything, read the books, wanted to improve, brought up the situation and tried to get him to understand my side of things, tried the "just do it" approach...and he was the one who basically ignored every attempt I ever made and buried his head in the sand and blamed me for each and every failure our marriage had. He still blames me to this day.
In my other post to Baghera, I was simply trying to give him kudos for really "getting it". You seem to have taken it personally, but it has nothing to do with anyone else and I even said specifically that I wasn't picking on anyone in particular.
Also, I have commented on numerous women's threads in other forums discussing where it seems obvious to the outside reader how they (the woman) went wrong and how it is her responsibility to fix it herself. I am not saying it is always a man's fault by any means!
In my own marriage, our failures were about a 50/50 split. I take my 50 very seriously and have devoted a large chunk of my life toward not repeating my 50, by learning, growing, moving forward, reading forums and books such as this one, going to counseling, church, prayer, meditation, staying in shape, handling depression better, slaying my OWN inner demons myself.
I am engaged now and am determined NOT to have another failed marriage.
Where is my ex-husband? Still in the same place he was when I left him. Sad, full of blame for me, no inner growth, and slowly getting older but not wiser. I pray for him all the time. He hates my guts and makes it well known and would sooner die than pray for me. For I and I alone "ruined his life" as far as he is concerned. What about my life and how it was devastated by divorce? He got out with a better settlement than I did. But in his mind, it doesn't matter. It was all my fault and I ruined his life. 100% my fault, 0% his fault.
So you see...you are preaching to the choir about both parties having their fair share of the responsibility for the F-ed up parts of a failed marriage. But you simply mis-read the intention of my message to Baghera.
