She didn't expect the question and she wasn't able to lie
Of course, I'm assuming that meant she said yes, and didn't just flounder and not answer you straight out.
I feel bad for you, rop.
Definately, the heat of the moment.
Just regroup because you can't undo it. It is a terrible feeling when WW's are making plans, you staying with the kids, and you just know what they are planning. There is NOTHING you can do about it. I have often thought, "The hell I'm staying with the kids while you go and enjoy getting f'd!" But then I'm with my kids, connecting. Just enjoy being with your kids. Consider WW gone. At least in your mind. Just do for you. Keep going to the gym. I know your sitch seems hopeless, but there is always hope, man. It may not be now, and it may not be tomorrow, but maybe someday.
If not, then it was part of Gods plan for you.
Good luck and blessings to you.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Guys I can't thank you enough. Yes CBK the beer is needed. h4h - you are right - once somebody said: if you want to make God smile tell him your plans. I know there is going to be something good out of this hell, right now I just don't understand what, but I know is there. Today I saw W, she was as happy as a lark, like nothing happened. Very different from the usual her, she used to keep the long face for weeks. The only thing is that she asked me, very nicely, for an apology, I gave it and I said I felt very bad about what happened. I don't know if her happiness it is a good or a bad sign, I shouldn't care right now. My family found some pictures in internet of OM - a very sporty guy, lot of muscles, many pretty women as friends in his facebook site, it seems he is spending a lot of time in front of the mirror, a guy I would have sworn W would have NEVER been interested in.... but hey.... WROOONG The kids are giving me a lot satisfaction, they are always all over me and make me feel very loved. This is what fills my heart right now. They are so small and so giving at the same time - they are wonderful.
CBK - thank you, I see you live in Northren CA, like me. My family therapist toldme this area has the highest number of divorces in the world! We moved here just a bit more then a year ago! It can't be the weather.....
You have got to be kidding! I wonder where he got these statistics.
Me 48 H 54 Together 30 yrs M 29 yrs S 24 s 17 EA 10-2007 Denies it every happened
You need to emotionally DETACH. You need to 100 % let go. You need to do NO relationship talk, no OM talk no NOTHING.... just work on YOU. What are you doing for yourself? Going to the gym? Working up some six-pack abs? Flirting with the ladies? Let go of the leash. Do NOT expect W to come back!!!
I'm not saying close the door. I'm saying get away from it. Quit trying to figure out how to get W to walk back in, quit analyzing and hoping.... let her go...
Start creating a great life without her.
You are in the midst of a mind trip and if you don't get out of it and detach, you will definitely kill off any remote chance (and the key here is "remote").
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Running - I know you are right - but I am in so much pain I hardly function, I know what is right, I know I have no chances, sometime I feel OK and I do behave accordingly. But when the pain start rising I can't reson straight - I only know I don't want to lose my family. For me, with the value I have been raised, my family was a way of life, and I thought it was the same for W, for me was a done deal. Detaching the way should be done is hard, because I see W everyday when we deal with the kids. Besides my D4 always always tells me when W is out with OM, and this upsets me. I am afraid of what is my D4 thinks, she is so young, she will soon forget we were once a unite family, this kills me... Too often I don't feel doing anything for me. I would happily give a finger not to feel this pain.
I was going to ask the same question. It has me laughing, I almost fell out of my chair!
rop, you sound like Borat asking the question. Too funny!
Just leave your WW to the wind. You HAVE to detach. Do it for your kiddo's, man. Would you want them to realize what you are doing to yourself. Let your D have the memories of the two of you together.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I just love throwing something out that has people scratching their heads going "What??? What did she say???" It's just a figure of speech. Like "Oh, brother..."
But seriously Rop, I want you to know I understand where you are coming from. I had similar feelings when my husband was intent on D and filed. And you are so right. It is sooooooo painful. I remember my stomach in knots, having difficulty eating (for months), the first time the kids spent the weekend with him at his apartment I basically walked through the house the whole time crying. I remember driving over to hang out at my mother's house (anything to get out of the house) and thinking, "If I just drive over the side of this freeway it will all be over and I won't feel the pain anymore," And I'd walk through the garage and think, "What could I swallow? What would end it all so I could just escape this pain." Although I wasn't *seriously* considering all this, the pain was so intense I was evaluating it.
But I couldn't put my kids through all that.... And heck, I couldn't just give my H half the house and then let him get off scott-free on alimony and child support!!! And half his pension!!!! No way!!!!! Why should I make his life easier? Why should I do him a favor?!!!!
And slowly I climbed out of the hole. This site actually helped me a lot and I made local friends who put a hand out and helped me up. I know it's really hard, but hang in there. You are not alone. Here's my hand....
Okay... first things first. To emotionally detach you need to let go (the key is emotion). You need to accept this is happening and your wife is leaving you. And you are completely powerless to control her, or change her mind. If she is going to change her mind, it will be something she has to do on her own. Your interference only muffles her thoughts and responses. It doesn't give her the distance to analyze where she wants to be because she's reacting to you. Unfortunately, she won't know where she wants to be until she loses you (or feels she has lost you). Also this will take time. She may need to spend a lot of time checking out the grass "next door" to realize it's not "greener" on the other side.
And don't you keep imagining or thinking it's better.... I noticed you tend to think what she's leaving you for is so wonderful. It's NOT. You are the best, you are the guy that has been there for her, you are the father of her children, you have history... YOU are Mr. Wonderful. She may be too blind to realize that for now, most people take what they have for granted, but the truth is, ... you are valuable and she it would be a pity if she didn't wise up soon and realize she could lose something very special.
You are special and valuable and don't forget that!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
running, thank you very much for your words, and for your hand.... Because of people like you I do fell less alone. W sometime tells me things like "with OM is never going to be as good as it was with you... but I cannot stay with you" and similar, and for a while I believed our M could still have a chance, but now I cannot think about it anymore, I do need to detach or I am going to go crazy. Running, thank you so much for sharing your story, I relate so much. I know she still feel something for me, at least I know she likes the way I look, yesterday when I picked up the kids I was super sparkling, I was very pleased by the way I looked, I'm going to the gym more regularly, I bought some new stuff to wear, I have longer hair, and I saw the way she was looking at me, I'm sure she thought I was hot. I went to her I grabbed her and gave her a kiss in the cheek, winked and left, she was melting.... and I felt gooooood. But today is another story, she needs to see OM and she wanted me to keep the kids overnight, I said NOP, and she got mad, like she was a drug addicted and I refused to give her the dose.... she even tried to punch me!! We fought, and now she keeps trying to call me on the cell but I am sure it is because she wants me to change my mind about tonight, she always try to be manipulative, but it never worked with me. The cell is off - tonight I am going out.
h4h - the wink was good indeed - I was so confident I felt I had her again. It was a short illusion. Today I wrote the date on a check and I just realized we are at the end of May!! Already!! - 5 months after the bomb, WOW, it seems yesterday!
