Last weekend was not a good one. I felt better this morning.
Thanks for checking in on me, Mark. I do realize the importance of the NC policy. I just got put back at Day 1 with my withdrawal. The diet metaphor was a good one. The second withdrawal is harder than the first time.
As for the phone, H and I talked about doing something about that. But, he didn't want to. I may be the one that needs it, though. We had talked about moving, but he doesn't want to do that either. I am open to what he wants, Mark. I am usually the one to suggest these types of things. But, he doesn't seem to want to. I worry...sometimes I think he just tries to forget anything even happened.....I don't think that is good....but, maybe it is...I don't know.
Thoughts of the OM.....yeah, every day, many times during the day. I hear what you are saying about the OM and how bad he is. My mind hears ya, but my heart says differently. I can try, but it never works. I can think of MANY reasons why he and I would never last, and how miserable I would be. But, I still miss him. It's frustrating. I CAN, however, "do something" when thoughts of OM come up. I can keep myself busy to not think about him 24/7. I guess this is good because then eventually it will go away....right? This better go away, because I don't know if I can live like this the rest of my life. I keep thinking it is the "drug". Just need to get "clean", and then I'll be fine. Right?
I have gotten rid of everything. The problem is that we are still living in the same home so my home address and home phone are still the same. If my H wanted to do something about that, I would. The OM would have to write me a letter in the mail (which he did), call our home phone, or come directly to our house. My H knows this. If I wanted to contact him, I could easily. I could go to any pay phone (I know his number by heart), I could redownload messengers and send a message to his ID (I know this by heart as well), I could go to his house, I could go to where his club is, etc. I know I won't contact him, so I am not worried. Brick wall or not, it is possible. But, I haven't made it easy for either of us anymore. The cell phone was the main one, and it is gone.
Last weekend was not a good one. I felt better this morning.
Thanks for checking in on me, Mark. I do realize the importance of the NC policy. I just got put back at Day 1 with my withdrawal. The diet metaphor was a good one. The second withdrawal is harder than the first time.
As for the phone, H and I talked about doing something about that. But, he didn't want to. I may be the one that needs it, though. We had talked about moving, but he doesn't want to do that either. I am open to what he wants, Mark. I am usually the one to suggest these types of things. But, he doesn't seem to want to. I worry...sometimes I think he just tries to forget anything even happened.....I don't think that is good....but, maybe it is...I don't know.
Thoughts of the OM.....yeah, every day, many times during the day. I hear what you are saying about the OM and how bad he is. My mind hears ya, but my heart says differently. I can try, but it never works. I can think of MANY reasons why he and I would never last, and how miserable I would be. But, I still miss him. It's frustrating. I CAN, however, "do something" when thoughts of OM come up. I can keep myself busy to not think about him 24/7. I guess this is good because then eventually it will go away....right? This better go away, because I don't know if I can live like this the rest of my life. I keep thinking it is the "drug". Just need to get "clean", and then I'll be fine. Right?
I have gotten rid of everything. The problem is that we are still living in the same home so my home address and home phone are still the same. If my H wanted to do something about that, I would. The OM would have to write me a letter in the mail (which he did), call our home phone, or come directly to our house. My H knows this. If I wanted to contact him, I could easily. I could go to any pay phone (I know his number by heart), I could redownload messengers and send a message to his ID (I know this by heart as well), I could go to his house, I could go to where his club is, etc. I know I won't contact him, so I am not worried. Brick wall or not, it is possible. But, I haven't made it easy for either of us anymore. The cell phone was the main one, and it is gone.
I don't know how I always do that. It keeps posting my things twice. Anyway, thanks for checking on me h4h.
Update on today. I woke up to my H banging around in the bedroom. Since he has been back home, he has been super quiet to let me sleep a little later in the morning. Things are getting back to the way they were. He did lean over and kiss me on the cheek before he left though. That was nice. He sent me a short, informative e-mail during the day. Again, back to the "old way". Came home, had his favorite meal made for him. He enjoyed it. NOthing really special the rest of the night. He is working out right now (that's new for him). I'm sure my bad attitude this weekend has affected him. I will be better. I need to be better. We discussed next weekend and planned some fun things. Time to make some new memories, like Jeff always tells me.
Maybe he is feeling your confusion. Possible. We guys have the tendency to withdraw a bit. That is something I always did, too. Feel like something is going on in WW's head or she is in a mood and I withdraw. Working on not doing that anymore. Hard right now, as I don't want to initiate any R talk. All I do is be upbeat. If she is in a mood, I don't let it effect me. Lately, she follows me, takes my lead and comes out of her funk. I wish I had done it a long time ago.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I think you are right, h4h. He did try to keep communicating when he saw me "in my mood", and wanted to talk it out, and we did a little bit of that. But, I didn't want to tell him that it was the OM on my mind that was causing me to be like this. That would do no good for him, and it wouldn't make anything better or easier on me, either. I will be telling all of you guys about those things, he doesn't need to hear them. Happy and fun is contagious, and my H is like how you use to be ....if he sees me unhappy, he is all unhappy....he feeds off me.
Journaling: H woke up for work and was quiet so as not to wake me. Before he left, he brushed my hair off my face a few times and kissed me on the cheek. S woke up at normal time and gave me lots of hugs and kisses. Nice way to start my day. My family givin' me love. S and I snuggled and watched "Word World" on TV together and then got him breakfast.
E-mailed H first this time. Told him about some family things, etc. and included something about my funk and how I was glad we are doing so many fun things this weekend because it gives us a chance to make some new, fun memories. He e-mailed later and let me know that he is looking forward to it, too. He promised he woudln't be "grumpy" (son tells him he is grumpy all of the time) and we would have a good time. I'm really looking forward to it.
Ok, I sit here, thinking, what can I do TONIGHT to help our marriage. H is with S at T-ball right now, and I have some work to finish. But, when he gets back....hmmmmm.........I'm looking at the list he made and one thing is to workout together. If he goes and lifts tonight, I will come with him. I really don't want to AT ALL. But, I need to make myself do these things if anything is going to happen. Then, later, I will give him a backrub and let him watch the show he wants (which I absolutely abhor). So, I will do 3 things off of his list- do things together like working out, backrubs, and doing things that I dont' really like doing. I guess I need to do them with a smile, too.
Today, wasn't so bad with OM thoughts. I thought about him off and on, but not as intensely and with as much sadness. This weekend I felt on the verge of tears all the time. The thing that I think about the most for some reason is every time I drive I look for his car. Strange.
Puppy- Did your W go through OM withdrawals? How did you handle them? What were some of the first things you did once the NC policy came to being, etc.
Last night, I gave the backrub, but I got the feeling he wanted to lift himself, and he didnt want to watch the show. He fell asleep early and I finished the book I bought to keep my mind off OM called, "Love the One You're With". How fitting, huh? It is about this woman who marries and has a wonderful family, but then runs into the man she loved and lost early in her life. She still loves him, but in the end chooses her marriage. Good for me to read.
Today is beautiful. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm thinking of OM, but not as much in specifics anymore. Just general thoughts. Maybe I am babystepping away from him.
Puppy- Did your W go through OM withdrawals? How did you handle them? What were some of the first things you did once the NC policy came to being, etc.
WDID,
Yes, she did, although it wasn't as bad because they had already had a couple of fits-and-starts mini-breakups along the way.
Our couple of weeks immediately following my wife's "I don't want to lose you; I screwed up; please take me back" moment was characterized by HUGE mood and behavior swings by her, as it relates to me. She would exhibit deep, genuine remorse only to follow that less than a day later by lashing out AT ME with pent up resentment and "going on offense." I would respond firmly each time, call her on her b.s., and she would immediately then apologize and be remorseful again. Part of this was probably due to the fact that I took such an aggressive approach with the confrontation, exposure, and the finances; I was warned about this (but would do it all again, in a heartbeat, rather than have to live thru that hell for more than the three months).
I tried to simultaneous call her on the b.s, but also give grace and lots of hugs and e-mails and words of encouragement, and NOT to "lord it over" her with her affair.
Your feelings for the OM will go away, you will see the affair for what it is in time. Once you forgive yourself, you husband sounds like he has the capacity and desire to forgive you!
Try this, only think about your husband and how much you would miss your kids. Do that over and over for about a week! Think about how much your husband must love you and how much compassion he has for you to work through this with you after you cheated on him! Lied to him!
I am not beating you up! I judge by actions today and going forward not by the past! But if you put it in plain terms, focus on that and think about your life, without your kids, and without that love and compassion! Tried and true love, not fairy tale New BS. TRIED and TRUE LOVE! If you follow this it will help you, if you forgive yourself, you will open up the door to true intimacy again! But it takes time and discipline, and then before you know it, you won't be trying anymore, you will be doing!
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Since I have a couple of "experts" here may I get your perspective? My spouse wants to stay together but just "can't" get romantic/sexual feelings back...she says "can't" I hear "won't".
In my opinion "feelings" change and are governed by actions. Any insight on that? Might be something wdid might really want to consider.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
S and I snuggled and watched "Word World" on TV together and then got him breakfast.