ms ladybug concerned...MR bug wants to move home.

[Dom R]

Hi Ladybug,

I'm writing this with the small chance that you do care a teenietiny bit about your marriage still. Otherwise, this post should be skipped.

Your marriage cannot get better, until you can start viewing things from his perspective. That doesnt mean you have to AGREE with his perspective.... but you have to at least be able to see his point of view.

From what you write here... a lot of times, it doesnt seem that you do that.
You arent even acknowledging what he says most of the time.

You are "defending yourself" against what he says against you. But you are not validating what he says, or his feelings, in any way.

Specific example:

[he said]...

"Now that I know that's not the case, I realize that you CHOOSE to treat me like crap. I'm done."

At the end of the session which consists of him telling my therapist a bunch of crap about me, and me telling my therapist about both the verbal and physical abuse, he leaves.

So... any complaints he has about you, are "a bunch of crap".

It sounds like something along these lines happened:

He made a bunch of complaints about how you treat him badly. They may have been exagerated... they may have been off target... they may have been just complete misperceptions on his part.
The thing is though... every single one of his complaints, probably had some kind of basis for them.
BUT... rather than taking this one opportunity that you had, with both you and him in front of a marriage counsellor, to explore the reasons behind his complaints.... you chose to instead "counterattack", and complain to the therapist about how badly HE has treated YOU.

You didnt listen/validate/try to understand his hurts.... you just unloaded your hurts, and ignored his.

So, you basically wasted the entire session, and damaged things further by the way you reacted.

He HAS been trying. In amoungst his usual messed-up behaviour, he also made some positive steps towards you.
You did not reciprocate.

If you dont reward positive behaviour in some way, it's not reasonable to think that someone will continue to show you positive behaviour.