There are some stories of success here, but by and large, the success rate for saving marriages is very low. The bottom line is that if the WAS is not willing to make a change and take the path of life with you, then it won't happen. Please, please, please don't delude yourself that this is a guaranteed win....it's not. John
Thanks for your post! I have struggled with some of these kind of thoughts recently, too. I do think that there are maybe some WAS (my H may be one of these) who just wants to exit the marriage, be single, have a girlfriend, avoid responsibilities, etc. (I think it's several of these for my H anyway). And I can't do anything about that of course.
But when I look at myself when I first came to this board and started DBing (And I think have all but one of Michele W-D's books and I'm hoping she'll have more written soon as I will get those too! ) I was miserable, seriously depressed, little to no self-esteem, very dependent person, no social life, etc. After DBing, GALing, getting the support of my friends here and elsewhere, I am so much more positive, happy, better self-esteem, more independent, a good social life, etc. I'm more like the person I was when I met my H and he fell in love with me, but I've also grown and I actually think I'm a more improved, mature version of that girl (that was a long time ago)!
Yes, my H may, and I think probably will divorce me, but I have to think that he at least has to have a few moments where he has considered reconciling with me (although he may never admit that), and even if he hasn't, it has become apparent to me (and I would think my H) that after DBing, if he divorces me it is because of his issues rather than being able to blame me for our divorce. He can't just say I'm divorcing b/c my wife is depressed & dependent, but has to admit at some level that he is divorcing me for his own reasons and issues, and I think that is good.
I do think it's a guaranteed win actually: my H may not rejoin me on my current healthier path, but if not, I know I will find someone who will join me, and my future relationship with my H or whoever will be a healthier, happier relationship than I've had before. Karen
) I was miserable, seriously depressed, little to no self-esteem, very dependent person, no social life, etc. After DBing, GALing, getting the support of my friends here and elsewhere, I am so much more positive, happy, better self-esteem, more independent, a good social life, etc. I'm more like the person I was when I met my H and he fell in love with me, but I've also grown and I actually think I'm a more improved, mature version of that girl (that was a long time ago)! 
