Help Me Act AS IF, Part 5

[newnamenewlife]

I am back to feeling sick and panicky. Went to D7's field day today and felt good and positive. Came home to an email from H saying he made an appt with the mediator for next week. Even though I know we've been talking about S, I guess I still have a hard time accepting that this is really going to happen. I keep hoping that H will lose his determination to leave if I stop resisting and go along with his wishes, but so far that's not happening.

So now I feel miserable and like I failed at being a wife. All the bad self-hating feelings are flooding me, plus the dread I feel about the unknown future. It just puts me into a state of paralysis. When the bomb hit, it took me months to recover (as much as I have). i'm terrified that when H takes this further--ie talks to the kids, packs up his stuff and moves out--I am going to hit bottom. I feel like I simply can't handle any more pain. I'm depleted.

I'm not sure how we're going to get through the weekend away together.