I'd say it is your largely your choice how long you continue to hold onto being broken-Donna. You seem to be looking for validation that you will always be like that, being drawn to the swiss cheese posts, upping your tag lines again. That will certainly keep you stuck.
FWIW, from my point of view, it doesn't seem to me that you actually want to reconcile with STBX. I don't think you lied to STBX at all. I think you are lying to yourself about it — you want to think you were lying to him. This stuff isn't about him. It is about you not wanting to be OK because of what you think it will mean about you. So, you keep using him, violating his boundaries, putting yourself in harms way to stay in your comfort zone. Until you accept that it is OK to be OK, you'll find someway to keep sabotaging yourself and upping the drama in your life. Being OK is really the better alternative.
So, to ask again, what does your IC think about you being back here? What do you think? Are you really finding it useful or are you using it to stay stuck?
