Cinders that was a lovely, generous reply and one I would have expected from you. I too wished to contine being part of my inlaw family But for my own sanity I had to separate. I could not be a part of the hypocrisy. I soon realised I had to be the scapegoat for what her son had done. He always was the "golden child" She continues to say how much her son loves his children and talks of contact they have --pure fantasy. One meeting after 8 yrs to see his d and g/son.Nothing for his sons. I think I would exclude any OW from my home until after a D-NO I know I would. I would do all in my power to bring about a reconcilliation and I would go out of my way to maintain contact with my DIL or SIL during and after the crisis.
I hope you are spared from such heartache because it hurt me as much if not more than what my x did as they were not going through a MLC and had no excuse for the way they treated us all. Unfortunately I am a crab and I retreat to my shell at times like those and it would take a huge effort to make me available for more pain. No contact is best for me but I hope my children will eventually have some contact. This as the years roll by looks unlikely, but never say never. Sorry to go on -can you say a touchy subject. God Bless you as I know he will.
they have mine and their grandchildren's best interest at heart. BUT, they also love their son
Hi Cinders,
I'm also learning that blood is most certainly thicker than water. My SIL has said that I'm like a sister to her and will always be family and MIL said that I'm already her daughter and would disown her son if he D'ed me - yet, it doesn't seem like my kids and I were missed at all at their Mother's Day celebration which we weren't invited to. Even though nothing has been said to me, I also sense them cutting me out financially (which could turn out to be a good thing, since it would force responsibility on to H, where it should be). Also, MIL - who always remembers - didn't acknowledge my birthday a few weeks ago.
It hurts to feel like I'm getting squeezed out of a family I grew to love (no matter how dysfunctional). But I also understand their loyalties are to their son/brother who share their blood and that the only person I can truly depend on is myself.
I do know my MIL has told H that she disapproves/disapproved of what he is doing b/c she told me she had told him so right a the beginning. She had asked to see him alone and he brought OW with him. This was the first time MIL had met her. However her actions show differently (just like many others already described). I'm pretty certain if I didn't have children I would not see my MIL despite her telling me right at the beginning that I would always be her DIL. I have made no secret of the way I feel and just like someone else wrote she told me it was none of my business who she chose to entertain in her own home.
She has always come here (rather than us go to her house) even when H and I were still together b/c her H (my Hs stepdad) is not a nice man and she can never speak freely whenever anyone goes round. So I still let her come (when it suits me) I used to put off things I was going to do in order to follow her wishes to come round but now if I have plans I tell her so and ask her to come another time. Most often she doesn't she just waits until it is convenient for her again.
Naej for the record I would treat my Ds the same as my S if they ever did what their dad has done to us.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Angelica, your s Is very wise....reminds me of my D15 who H says is not old enough to understand relationships and that he would talk to her about them when she is older....Yep...here is what she wrote to me...God love her.....
Quote:
[/quote]she said; "mom,that's just it, you were the perfect wife but dad couldn't handle it..He needed someone equally as low as he is..He knew he didn't deserve you..so really you're gaining something...realizing who is true in your life, while he is losing everything".[quote]
Now, does this sound like a child who doesn't understand relationships and what is going on....sometimes we don't give our children enough credit....they are so smart.....
One day he'll get his head out of his Azz and it will be too late....
Treese
Last edited by Treese; 05/21/0803:58 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I am so very sorry that so many of you here have had such awful experiences with your inlaw's and inlaw family....it seems that more often than not, things end up going sour. I am sorry for all your pain, of which I am SURE that it is as painful if not more than what your spouses did to you. At the end of my life, I will be able to tell my story...whether my in-law family stuck by me or not...who knows, I know that for now, they love me, that for now, they cherish me as I have given them their ONLY grandchildren. BUT, I am not naive anymore and I do realize that time changes things...relationships are not set in stone, they too evolve and change. Like I said, I am not God and cannot forsee how life will end up going. All I can do now is open my heart, give out as much love as I can, and hope that those who really care, will always care.
Once again, I am so sorry for the pain that so much of you have had to go through, I wish things would have gone differently for you...
Much love to you all...xxxx May God bless you.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Cinders, I just caught up on your thread.... Yes, I know.... If only you had done this, or that..... If only you could make him see that you are different now... If only you could have one more chance....
Honey, you changed. You did the work that needed to be done.
He has not changed at all.
You wouldn't want that person in your house with you and the kids.
I swear you wouldn't.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Ok, just a weird question...my pool, is leaking...yikes...it is lined with pond liner (thick and black) because they never really wanted to make a pool, but named it a pond so that no building permits would be needed.
So...the water is leaking out slowly and I have no idea how to find the hole...except letting it leak till it stops and maybe, just maybe then I can find it. Trouble is, if all the water seeps out, then I will have to search an area of 8meters by 4 meters for a small hole...(not very likely that I will find it).
It will be like looking for a needle in a hay stack.
SO....... Does anyone have a good idea ? how to find the hole ??
Thanks guys, I hope someone can help !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
