So it seems H can get incoming calls but he can't make calls. I called yesterday just to see what it said, didn't expect him to answer but he did. It was kind of funny because I clearly had no reason to call him.
When I was with him the phone rang about 4 times. He just looked at it and didn't answer it. The last time he volutarily showed it to me and it was a number he didn't know so he figured it was the phone company.
The first three times I don't know, it could have been the same thing but of course my first thought was OW. Instead of getting mad and asking who it was I just thought about how mad I used to get when I would call him and he wouldn't answer, especially when I needed something. So if it was OW, she was probably mad that he wasn't answering....thus calling several times in such a short period of time (three times in about 5 minutes, the last call came a couple of hours later). It is all speculation, but it helped me deal with the situation and helped me refrain from asking who it was.
We went to dinner and on the way there we drove around and looked at some houses. He has been asking me where I would want to buy a house so I showed him. He keeps giving me these "looks", I can't explain it, but it just seems like he is really thinking about things.
He also keeps bringing things up, like vacations we have been on and just things we have done in the past. Yesterday at dinner he even started talking about our honeymoon and how much fun we had. The past few days he has just been talking A LOT about the past.
No, he wasn't rude. He has actually never left me to answer the phone, even through the worst of it all.
He is thinking about the good times...he has even brought up going on another trip several times. Maybe that would be good for us right now. Just something short since he doesn't have vacation time yet.
He was always one to reminisce, but he had rewritten our history and it seemed like he couldn't remember any good between us.....if feels good that he is remembering.
The more time I spend with him the more insight I get about how this could have happened. He didn't deal with it right, he ran from his problems rather than confronting them..but I think it is the only way he knew to deal with it. I am finally getting that it wasn't me he was running from but more from responsibility and guilt. OW wasn't a responsibility, he didn't feel a need to take care of her like he did me...and he didn't feel like he could take care of me if he got out of the Air Force...but at the same time he felt like he HAD to get out of the AF. I think it goes back to that "I have nothing to offer" statement that he says. OW took him out of reality.
He has actually never left me to answer the phone, even through the worst of it all.
Wow. That's pretty incredible. Very considerate of him.
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He is thinking about the good times...he has even brought up going on another trip several times. Maybe that would be good for us right now.
I'm sure it would be good to have some real quality time together and also give you each a break from the daily stresses of work, and break from your mom lol.
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it feels good that he is remembering.
I bet!
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I am finally getting that it wasn't me he was running from but more from responsibility and guilt. OW wasn't a responsibility, he didn't feel a need to take care of her like he did me...and he didn't feel like he could take care of me if he got out of the Air Force...but at the same time he felt like he HAD to get out of the AF. I think it goes back to that "I have nothing to offer" statement that he says. OW took him out of reality.
Those are some pretty powerful insights!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
He has actually never left me to answer the phone, even through the worst of it all.
Wow. That's pretty incredible. Very considerate of him.
Well, I think that had more to do with the fact that he wouldn't admit that ANYTHING was going on with her. Plus she never called when she knew he was home...only during working hours . Plus he wouldn't want to hear anything from me.
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Those are some pretty powerful insights!
Yeah, I feel like I have had a light bulb moment. I have just been so confused because it really did seem like we had a good marriage. We hadn't drifted apart, and it seemed like we really enjoyed spending time together. Then, all of the sudden it was turned upside down. Also, I was really confused about OW. Now I feel like I just reminded him of responsibility and she made him forget. Doesn't make it right or ok, but I can understand how it happened.
Last night H sent me a text that said "Want to go to dinner, my treat?" I replied that I had already eaten, so he asked if I wanted to come and have a drink while he ate. We went and had a good time. He was reminiscing again. He brought up a trip that we went on when I graduated college, which was about 5 years ago. He even recalled dates and details that I had forgotten about. I am not sure what all this talking about the past is about. Maybe it is just him remembering the good times.
Then after dinner the weather was so nice that we went down to the harbor and walked around for a while. We haven't done something like that in a while.
When he took me home he hung out at the house for a long time, which was strange because he has avoided my mom like the plague since all this happened. He kept saying he wanted to go get some desert and I told him I didn't need any, so he said he would just go by the grocery store. He said, "Maybe I will get a MoonPie" H used to call me moonpie, I know, weird...but it was a joke between us and then it stuck, he called me that all the time kind of like a nickname or a pet name. Anyway, when he said that I smiled at him and he said "What??" I said "Oh, nothing", then he said "It's been a while, huh?" Another good moment for us.
Oh yeah, I also brought up possibly going on a trip. He said he was all for it. I said I guess we can just wait until you have 2 days off in a row again. H gets 2 days off per week but they aren't necessarily together. He said it sounded good and he would just let me know.
The things is, I just can't figure him out. He goes from making all this contact to nothing and from wanting to work on it to indifferent. Does the roller coaster ever stop?
I'm sure it levels out a bit eventually. Hopefully it never gets completely level, because that would lead back to the complaceny problems of before.
Right now, there's still uncertainty that things are gonna be better this time around. I think as you both get more comfortable with the R that confidence will grow.
It sounds like you guys had a really nice night. Lots of baby steps!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
It was kind of funny because I clearly had no reason to call him. 
Whatever the case, he wasn't rude and didn't leave you to answer the phone. So *shrugs* whatever.
. Plus he wouldn't want to hear anything from me. 