Thank you all for jumping in with a bunch of great advice. It really helps me. I don’t know what I’d do without this safe place to talk about this stuff. Too bad we can’t all go out for a virtual beer and have a sex starved marriage bashing (not the book, the situation). Since I no longer can discuss anything but the superficial with my wife, I really need others to bounce thoughts off of.
As far as telling her I’m disappointed and hurt by her reaction, there is no way I am going to suffer another response like the last, especially if the whole relationship is at risk. She says she knows I’m aching and that is a turn off for her.Strangely, it seems that if I was no longer sexually interested with her that would be a turn on for her. She didn’t say this but I ‘m just exploring the far out [censored] now. It seems bizarre to me but there might be something there.I wish we could just have a decent cussing fight that I actually get to participate in as an equal, instead of the scolded fool. I think the biggest mistake I’ve made in my relationship is to try to be a sensitive nice guy. It seems counterintuitive to what I’ve always heard about women liking sweet guys but it may not be often the case. Apparently, nice guys do finish last. The problem is that I really enjoy giving. I love to spoil her with little gifts or a nice dinner. I actually derive pleasure from doing nice things for her; I know, I’m a sick and twisted bastard.
WhyNotCheat, some of the points you brought up really made sense to me. I actually chuckled ‘cause I’ve been threatening jokingly with my family about getting a Harley and a couple tatoos. You’re right that my affection is simply too much for her. I know I lay it on too thick for her; I can’t help it, I’m an overly romantic wuss. I know I put way too much into relationships and I expect too much out of them. I’m not happy when those close to me aren’t. I have to harden myself and give myself what I need for a while; let everyone else take their time waking up.
What perplexes me is that she often criticizes and shows disdain/disgust for the smooth-talking hard to get guys with the confidence. Doesn’t make any sense to me. The last couple days I’ve been thinking that maybe I’ve tried to be the man I thought she wanted or needed and maybe I just need to be myself and let her decide if I’m worth being with or not. Maybe saving a relationship at no cost kills the relationship in the end anyway.
Could it be that some people are just not compatible?
AchingMan (maybe I’ll change it to “Aloof Man... able to withstand bullets of rejection”)
