Quote:
[/quote]Maybe a pattern you need to change, is that you say your piece, and then leave your H unassisted. You then become discouraged because his changes aren't maintained, and then you label it a failure. Once he agrees to work on something small, then hold him accountable by meeting at least weekly (regularly).[quote]


CL,

That is just it, he never really agrees verbally to anything and gets angry if I do try to hold him accountable for anything and certainly doesn't want to talk about it. I always validate what he has worked on thus far and I do notice the babysteps that he has taken to get us this far. He is in a bad place right now and can't seem to find his way out and this is what I am feeling from him.

Update:

H wrote me a letter yesterday. The most I feel he has said since the bomb.

Answered my questions regaurding time together.

He also answered what I wrote about in love feelings
As I thought he is waiting for them to come back.
He has felt them in the past and as he says more recently than High school. (I told him that was an example).
He mentioned the talking in his sleep said he was sorry doesn't remember that. He also said that she does not talk to him any more and that, that bothers him. he said he was sorry for it and that I didn't need or deserve to hear it.

I then told him that it bothered me, that it bothered him and that my feeling was that he still had feelings for her and wouldn't be able to have those in love feelings for me because of that.
That I could not help him get over her only he can decide to do that and that he needed to work on it.
Then I cried silently.
Told him thank you for writing the letter. That we needed to communicate.
Im'e tearing as I write this.
I knew he still had feelings, felt it and he knew that I did.
Wev'e been married to long for me not to know.
Just like I know he still has the cards he got from her in his locker.
Told him I feel I have been very patient that I understand he has to work through this. I have told him before many times that I won't wait forever. Maybe I should have again last night. No maybe not, he knows and when the time comes if the time comes i'll tell him I can no longer wait.

Everything that was said was said with grace, compassion, and in a quiet voice. Im'e pretty proud of the way I handled that news. Of course I knew that she was probobly still an issue with him.

I want to thank her for not talking to him though \:\) but, I won't.

Just wondering what to do now. And now I feel he's cake eating as he gets so much from me.

JAK

You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez