Help! New to this...still hoping for R

[Rusty]

Sandi - alot of what you say is or has been very true. I have had counseling and am doing alot better with anger issues. I definitely feel a need to be in control - but less so in other areas of my life. My kids and I are very close - this has really brought us alot closer. We talk alot about deep and real issues and thoughts. I think that business has always been my strong area, and not H's, so that is one area I have always felt the need to, at the very least, step up. My H is a person unable to make clear decisive decisions(until now with wanted to S), so I have always been forced to be the one in control. And you know what, I haven't always wanted to be! I just wish for one second H would step in and make a decision. But I also realize that alot of the times when H would make a decision I would criticize and not agree. I really worked alot on changing that.
I agree with you wholeheartedly about, why would he want to be with me as the person I was at times, but believe it or not, there were some pretty great times and I am a very caring, kind, giving person. And I am working on changing in many ways and keeping the good - I just backslide a bit. I think you have over reacted to the amount of anger/control issues you think you see. But I really appreciate your perspective and it does cause me to think alot. And, like I said, alot of what you said is on the money. I think if I look over your post on a daily basis, it will prove very helpful in evaluating my daily interactions. But as I work on myself I am becoming less interested in fixing my M. I really go back and forth on that one, but I have decided to make the changes and let the chips fall where they may.
After our conversation about the business and future- H had our D for the evening, had to take her to a sports awards banquet. H dropped her off early, parents were supposed to come a 1/2 hour later, and H came looking for me. He thought I had dinner plans with OM??? I was actually having dinner with my mom. H stopped in the restaurant and sat with us and we had a very nice conversation, the three of us. I really am working on using the DB techniques and like I said, wherever it ends up, it does. At least I will be alot happier and healthier.