I understand totally that it is your life, Sara, and you are free to do as you please. I was not at all trying to make your decisions for you. Just trying to understand how you can advocate complete transparency, like you did with Didi and others I'm sure, yet you feel it's perfectly fine to keep the occasional contact you have with your OM from your H.
But, to each his/her own.
I will leave you alone.
Actually, GF, after a day of this it looks like, to an outsider, that you are trying to portray Sara as a hypocrite simply because she advises people in an entirely different stage of their relationship development to do something she may not have done in hers.
I very rarely advise people to do things the way I did. The DB/Tough Love/relationship guru advice is not a one-size-fit-all solution and Sara is very careful to do her homework and advise people to act on what works for THEM, not what worked for her.
I asked Sara to post her story. Mine is out there for anyone to read (if they have a whole lot of time to sort through a bunch of emotional dreck), but call me on anything and asked me why I make the decisions I make at this time if you want to know, but don't ever expect me to advise others based on what I did or did not do.
Sara and her H have already come to a place that they are committed and renewing their entire lives. She has been honest enough to admit her vunerability in the past and taken the necessary steps to affair-proof her end of the relationship.
Your initial questions were great (although honestly they read a bit like you were setting her up), but at some point we need to step back from our "triggers" and such and make sure we aren't judging others based upon our own experiences.
Sara explained a few posts back why she advised Didi the way she did. She is looking for Didi's future, from the now. Sara is already past the phase that Didi is trying to negotiate. The x was tested and came up lacking. She admitted her vunerability and the feeling she had when reality and fantasy collide. She is done. I understand that. I am too. My H and I were waiting for one of us to blink. Turns out he "blinked" first. Quite the reality check. Sometimes that's how marriages have a chance to be saved.
