Good day Jackie, I know how exasperating it can be to find the balance between working on being more attentive to a S who felt you weren't and making them feel pressured or pushed. But as Darkblue hinted, you to make yourself more flexable to go with the flow ... like surfing you need to learn how to ride the wave, as I've just recently learned (and I've been at this a bit longer than you ... so I have to admit ... it takes a while to get this stuff thru this thick skull.) even while "piecing". Lovingly detach or learning to "dance" on your own. Give him some space and wait for him tap you on the shoulder and ask for this dance.
When the ILY's drop off they are a good indicator, that it is time to back off and let them work thru their issues. To continue being so attentive becomes unattractive to them and they preceive it as being pushy. I'm also learning that you don't neccesarily need the ILY's when they do start tapping you on the shoulder. I have only received two ILY's in 2003 with the last on being at least three months ago with the additional comment, "Sorry, I just don't seem to say it enough." So I stopped asking her to dance with me and just started dancing on my own ... but lately, she keeps tapping me on the shoulder and asking me to dance, so now I know her feelings for me are still there and she must be realizing it too, so for now its OK if I'm not getting the ILY's.
I'm glad to hear you had a fun camping trip and more fun planned with the boys. When your H calls, don't mention that he didn't call before. No pushing. How about, "I miss you, but the boys and I are having a good time." Lets him know you haven't forgotten about him, but doesn't put any pressure on him to respond to you. Follow it up by asking, "How your trip so far?"
Hang in there Jackie, it may seem like it will take a lifetime to find the balance, but what's even more important is that you keep trying ... the recognition for the effort can come sooner and even be more appreciated than the balance that may continue to elude us.
So I stopped asking her to dance with me and just started dancing on my own ... but lately, she keeps tapping me on the shoulder and asking me to dance, so now I know her feelings for me are still there and she must be realizing it too, so for now its OK if I'm not getting the ILY's.
