Sorry to see the more of the same, you looking for reassurances, ILYs etc and him looking for space (an absence of pushing/pressure) and not getting any.
I know what you mean about thoughts cycling back to him. I would do that when considering my son's best interests, it always cycled back to us working things out, but there were other answers, some even came from w.?!!
We all have to accept that in the worst case - we WILL be ok without them and life will go on.
That said, you have come a long way since last November, but there are a few things you haven't tried, like lovingly detaching!! with the right timing of course, like forget about waiting for a phone call or sending him an email/waiting for a reply - do something for you, take the kids to the gym with you, let him wonder about your changes, for it sure would be a noticeable one for YOU! You can't force yourself to be happy around him when you're truly miserable, if you made some choices to do with things you can control, like BFL, lost 10 pounds etc you'd start to feel so much better about YOURSELF and maybe leave him (that's what my w did, remember )
Obviously only you can make the right decisions for you but hopefully you can understand my point of view. You could even pretend you don't hear him the next time he says ILY, that will get his curiosity going. Do a 180, stop doing what doesn't work.
If I'm off base, send me an email so your "expletives" won't be censored!
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