Ellie, Pad, Rob, Pam, KAW--thanks for checking in. I took almost everything under advisement and tried to make the last few days with H stress free.
He's been in an odd mood, he said it was work related, but I'm not sure. He wouldn't tell me what it was, which is unusual about work, that is where his passion lies and he ususually shares. He wouldn't. The ILYs stopped coming, as well. Even the obligatory ILY when I said it. Finally I said something about I'm here if you want to talk, but I'll stop bugging you. And then he said thanks, so I said ILY and he said it back. I said really? He said yes. And then he told me I am pushing. That things are better, but not great. He told me again to stop pushing. I said, okay, how about if you tell me if things start going in the opposite direction and until then I'll assume things are getting better and not ask questions. He said okay.
I kept things light Thursday and Friday and we dropped him at the airport. Thought maybe we'd make love Thursday, but apparently not, lots on his mind, but he isn't sharing what. We went in to say goodbye at the airport, thought I would at least get an ILY there, but I didn't. Tried not to be too hurt. However, he called me twice while he was waiting for his plane. And he called me a bunch of times his first day there. However, today he didn't call and didn't respond to an email I sent. It feels like a very weird time, he wants to share his excitement with me when he is bored, but if he has other things going on, I'm not on the list of people to check in with. He has never missed a day of calling in without a phone call on his business trips. Today is a first. So a bit sad about that.
However, after dropping him off at the airport, I took the boys camping at the Jersey beach and we had a wonderful time. I sent H a long email telling him all we did, wanting him to know what we were up to and keep him in the loop (I had been accused before of leaving him out of the boys' lives). H isn't a beach person and the boys and I love it, so seemed like a great compromise. Lots of things planned with the boys this week, trying to get everything organized for my departure. Though I'm sitting here waiting for his call, though it is midnight where he is, so I think it is out of the question now.
So that is where I'm at. When he calls I will not mention I missed hearing from him (or should I say a quick something, like sorry you didn't have a chance to call in, I missed talking to you--or is that pressure? He doesn't want to be pushed or pressure). Such a delicate balance.
Ellie, BFL is on hold for the moment, going to get right back at it when I return from Germany. Trying to follow it, but things are so hectic, it isn't going well. I'm glad for your success.
