Thank you all for your kindness and keeping me sane when things go nuts around here. Interesting day yesterday, I read the posts and applied most of them to how I acted/reacted and things are starting to head back up.
Sue--you described us to a T -- he will be cold, but we don't yell or fight, but that tension does exist. We did C in Novemeber when this first started, H hated it with a passion and it did get us through the bad times, but I didn't feel it was going to take us through anything but a crisis. H is not one to sit and talk about his feelings and did not like someone poking into that.
Lee, yup, his coldness does mean something is eating at him and there is resentment. It appears that I need to just sit and wait for him to either decide to tell me or get over it. It is the waiting period I need to learn to be more productive with.
Ellie, I can't touch the word depression with H. Back in Nov. he said something about he wished he was on an even keel. I said I thought he could be depressed and mentioned it in C. H told me about a month ago how offended he was that I suggested that. So whether he is just moody or is depressed, that will have to be something he discovers for himself.
His conference in Geneva is two weeks long and spouses are not welcome. I am going to visit my sister in Germany for 5 days and then meet him in Geneva to tour together for 5 days. This is the first we are leaving the kids (we don't have family local), and possibly the two week break and then a week of just us will bring back some of our spirits.
KAW--Great point about me not being a source of his stress. Since I vented my feelings here, I sent him a short, pleasant email at work and didn't mention the weekend or anything. R talks don't always work and often backfire, so why do that when he has the stress of getting ready to go away.
DB--Yup, need to make the kids and I happy and that will cycle around to his thoughts.
Pad--I'm honored to be your first post, thank you. And I did take the advice and didn't do anything R-talk wise.
So, I kept busy during the day and tried not to stew about it, tried to get on good footing with just an email, no phone call. H came home early, which surprised me, thought he was to work late, but he said since he couldn't get ahold of me during the day, didn't know the plans. The boys had Vacation Bible School in the evening and we went out to dinner.
Started kind of rough, and I finally mentioned that he seemed off, him just made the grunting type of noises and finally asked him if he was angry with me (I took this avenue instead of the insecure, so you are thinking about a divorce method). Well, he is angry with me, or maybe dissapointed. Lee, you were right about the resentment. On Friday my boss was here and discovered I had a parasite on our home (my work) computer (yes, I have an open modem without a fire-wall and I know now that is a very bad thing and now have a fire-wall.) Well, H is really pissed at that as I have our tax stuff on here. So strike one against me.
This weekend H asked it I would take a cell phone with me (I am new to cell phone usage). I had it in my purse, but had to make a call in the morning and left it in the car and didn't take it with me to AC. H tried to call me and obviously didn't get me and I haven't figured out the voice mail yet. I did call him when we were leaving, he assumed on my cell. So he called later, but didn't get me. I then called him when I left GF and woke him up. So he was pissed at that too.
I apoligized for both things, tried my best to validate and not defend my actions too much and he seemed to get in a better mood. No ILYs for a few weeks, though, but I think the tension is gone.
So there is a long story for just one day of events. Thanks for the help during these valleys.
