I hear you. You are hurting Cagz. I remember so much being in the spot you are in. I promise it will get better.
Hugs
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11