I was trying to say that I now understand why there is no going back and no going forward together. I contacted stbxw with the belief that we could resolve the remaining issues as friends? H and W? reasonable adults? and agree to compromise on the contents. Sparing ouselves the stress and cost of a legally imposed agreement. What started out as pleasent conversation about DD17, beloved dog, compromise and me helping load OUR possessions into the van quickly became a militant exercise in greed and revenge (fuelled by the attack dog sister). Until the very end when I had to say enough is enough. I am not her friend, I am not her H and I will never be a reasonable adult to her (them).
cat03 said it earlier, that she simply saw the end near. stbxw used my offer as an opportunity to quickly complete the process that she started 17 mths earlier.
Those that care for me had told me that she left the M long before she left our home. I understand now what they were trying to show me. My heart was broken, I had hope, I held on to feelings for a person who no longer has feelings for me. Yesterday I felt for the first time that I can't feel the pain any more. My heart does not hurt. The woman that I thought that I loved dosen't exist. The R/M is dead. My moment of clarity, my moment of true acceptance. I am not angry, I have GAL and will continue to do so feeling that, without grief and remorse, I can begin to feel happiness.
Hopefully as catfan says, time will heal the wounds. My hope would be that stbxw will not have to live her life with hate and resentment.
So now, sitting here in my empty, echo..echo..echo.. home, I think that I might be able to give something back to DB.com in the form of my experience. I experienced the loss and I learned MY lesson. I will support DB and all who wish to save their M's
To those that offered me support and advice I thank you. I am an alcoholic...ooops I mean I am divorced and my name is Al.
