I'm completely w/ you on this. I hate not knowing too. It sucks that the legal system is slow and at the same time, they are also fairly careless w/ what they do b/c of their backload of cases.
I will be thinking good thoughts and waiting anxiously to hear what the judge decides. I'm in the same situation too and I can only pray that justice will prevail on the side that is right for both of us.
Hang tough, my friend. It will be better in time. The fact that it takes so much time is what we hate the most. Time is our friend and the truth will come out in time. The problem is time moves slowly.
Of course I could find a new mate, but it is a long long shot to find someone who loves your kids as much as you do. So when I will be with my kids, I expect to be on my own, alone. Already I have seen the dynamic, and it's a far cry from having a parenting partner. I miss my partner.
I don't like this either and I miss my W so very much. I'm slowly steeling myself to a life as a single man who is working w/ my W to raise our D together. I hate that thought, but I have to be ready for it.
You know, RTL, I don't prefer that situation, but that's the course that's laid out in front of me. I've been reading the Charlyne Cares website (I got it from steelersfan), and the testimonials there. I am not sure all those testimonials are true, or even applicable. Some of them are about how the Lord answered the petitioners prayer for a new furnace since the old one went belly up. Anyway, the thing that stuck out to me was that these things take time.
For now this is the situation we're dealing with. I have to say when the court said I could not see my kids, nor call them nor email them, I was very upset. Very much. The court set a date for a hearing three months later; I wasn't sure I could make it. Here it is 3 months later, the hearing is next week. Somehow I made it. It was lonely but I survived.
And now I am making a life on my own. I am not sure what will happen, but it's possible that the wife will see this and think, hey maybe he's ok after all. It's possible that I will get equitable time with the kids after next week and this will shake something loose, too. It's possible that the sale of the family house and the need for her to get her own place (her own lease, her own money paying for it) will cause a change of heart.
or not.
I guess the point is, I'm moving forward the best way I know how, and trying to keep my heart pure. And if she has a change of heart, I will be ready for her.
Today I rode my bike past an elementary school, all the kids were out playing on the grounds. right now I'm not permitted to go near my own kids' schools. I look forward to the time when I can be a soccer coach again, when I can start living more of a "normal" life.
And RTL, I hope the same for you. You know I was thinking about your situation, and with just one young daughter, your prospects for meeting someone else are much better than mine (with 4 kids). I know that is not your first choice and I am not suggesting you go out and pursue that. But it seems much easier, to me, for a woman to meet and make friends with and feel at ease with one 5 year old, as opposed to doing the same with a houseful of four energetic souls.
It will work itself out somehow. just keep doing the next right thing.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Woohoo, I had another good day with my kiddos today at the house I am renting. Daughters (10 and 6 yrs) put their names up on the bedroom door. Sons also painted letters for the names but we didn't put them up yet. We played 4-sqaure again, tossed the football, had some lunch, made nachos, watched a movie (Ice Age: The Meltdown), and caught bugs. My kids horsed around with me, jumped on my back and generally just romped around.
Life is good.
Divorce stinks but life is still good anyway. After I dropped them off, too early as always, I cut the grass and went for a bike ride.
This is just a little story to tell people, yes, you can move on and get back to normalcy. It takes a while, but the normal moments.... priceless. I am so thankful for normal life.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Your time w/ your kids sounded great and it was clear they were all excited about having a "place" w/ dad. The fact they were excited about putting their names on the doors is proof they are looking forward to spending time w/ you again.
The unknown entity is the court system, but things should work out well b/c the custody issues are supposed to be based on you as a father, not what your W felt you were (or weren't) as a husband. If they look at your case as they are supposed to do, you will be fine. However, as I know too well, there just isn't anything we can definitely hang our hat on as it is subjective to a great extent. Hopefully, past history of cases will work well for you, as I'm confident it will.
It is easy for me to say I'm confident for you, but it is not my children at stake. I know how uneasy you are as I'm in the same boat. I can only keep praying that I'm right. As always, you will be in my prayers, my good friend.
As for my being able to meet someone more easily than you, that may be true, but it also may not be. The more I've been able to leave my house and GAL, the more I'm coming to realize there are so many people in this world who will be interested in meeting me for me. I'm a school teacher and I make NOTHING, but I know there are people out there who will want to be w/ me for who I am.
I think the same will go for you too. If someone is turned off by your having 4 kids, you wouldn't want them anyway. The same goes for me. If you don't like the fact I'm not super rich, then I don't want you either. We both will be looking for substance and we'll find it. The people we'll find will understand that life takes as well as it gives.
The hard thing will be to be patient. We've been patiently waiting on our Ws to want to come back and now we'll have to continue to wait to find that someone to travel the rest of our lives with. We'll both find that person to be interested in helping us raise our children, or we won't pursue them.
I'm still holding out hope that person will once agian be my W. I know you are feeling the same way. Maybe it will, but if not, we'll both come out on top. Nice guys will finish first, despite what the old wive's tale states to the contrary.
I've decided the worst thing that will happen to me is I'll be exclusively "dating" my 5-year-old for the next 13 years until she leaves for college. That really isn't a bad thing and my life could be so much worse than that.
Thanks for the encouraging words, RTL. You know what? I'm not waiting for anyone or anything, any more. I've been patient. The whole situation has helped me develop my patience. As some business leaders might say, patience was an opportunity for improvement for me. A never ending journey, but you know I took some good steps along the Patience Pathway these past 18 months. So that's all good.
But at this point I'm not WAITING. I don't mean I'm going to give up being patient. I like being patient. About everything. So I'm gonna keep that. I just mean that I'm not waiting for something else to happen. Life is happening now. I think I'm better off, my kids are better off, everyone is better off if I'm not sitting around waiting.
(shrug)
Life happens now.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Hey SPM, I just wanted to say hi and see how you are. And if and when the time comes for you to move on completely from your journey with your wife, I think there are still women in the world who can see the good in others, who find a man so devoted to his children attractive and desirable, who will appreciate all the work you have done on yourself, who will want a man who has lived and had some bumps along the way and who is passionate and compassionate and who always tries to do the right thing as you have. Believe me when I tell you, you will be ok.
Cherish those times with your wonderful kids. Make memories with them, live in the moment, make every second count, celebrate them. You can never go wrong if you do that. They will always remember those times with you - always.
It was so good to talk w/ you the other day. I'd like to do that more often, my friend as we find ourselves in similar boats on a very similar stream... and both of us w/out oars, it seems.
I'm off for the weekend w/ my D and my family in Lake Tahoe, so I'll check back w/ you when I return.
Talk to you soon, buddy.
Keep going on and I too love the "life begins now" statement.
