Michelle, your situation stinks, and I feel for you. But let me offer an alternative view on this IM conversation. I have been accused of controlling behavior, monitoring my wife's communications, "mind control" (I don't know what that means but it's been alleged), not respecting her boundaries, interfering with my spouse's relationships with other people, and so on. It's all very humbling. I don't think I am controlling, but my wife does.
Would allowing your friend to be duplicitous with your husband, fall into the category of "controlling behavior" ? I don't know, but I know if my wife found out I was doing this (and i wasn't), I would have been pilloried.
